Today marks the 10 year anniversary of “Star Wars Epode 2: Attack of the Clones.” Lord knows George Lucas has taken h share of abuse for the prequel trilogy, much of it deserved. Personally, I’d never had such high hopes for something that turned out to be such a crushing dappointment since I lost my virginity. Except “Epode 2″ lasted 1:59:30 longer.
Still there’s one thing no parent can deny: Kids love these things. Boba Fett and Jango Fett have major cult status among the preteen crowd. The dizzying, actiony battle sequences. Mace Windu. Count Dooku. Kickass, fully mobile Yoda. The CGI creatures. Between my two sons I’ve seen these things literally dozens of times and I have to admit, technically they’re marvels. Vually stunning. The problem comes when you AREN’T watching. Just ltening. Then you fully appreciate what a horrible msed opportunity the second trilogy was.
A while back I had the mfortune of driving the Grwold Family Truckster while my son watched “Attack of the Clones.” And by not seeing the vuals but just ltening, it hit me that th could be the worst screenplay any major studio release has had in our lifetimes. Just abysmally bad. An F in any freshman Film Studies class:
Anakin struggles with h >ahem< “emotions”:
…but then demonstrates h emotional range:
Yoda’s tortured syntax:
“Track down th bounty hunter, you must.”
Madcap hijinks out of annoying side characters:
[h head placed next to h body]
C-3PO: I’m quite beside myself!
Jar Jar Binks: Senators. Dellow feligates…
Dullest smack talk ever:
Count Dooku: As you can see, my Jedi powers are far beyond yours. Now, back down.
Obi-Wan: I don’t think so.
The future Dark Lord of the galaxy, apparently working on h Twilight fan fiction:
Flirting so bad you wh the Death Star would swing by and blow the planet to bits before they say another word:
And for my money, the most chalk-on-a-blackboard quote in movie htory:
Ten years n’t enough time to deaden the pain. Compare any of those quotes to anything that came out of the mouths of Luke, Han or Leia and weep. In “AotC”‘s defense though, it did give the world Natalie Portman with half her shirt ripped off. There are no words for that: