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On Its 10th Anniversary, The Worst Quotes of “Star Wars Epode 2: Attack of the Clones”

Today marks the 10 year anniversary of “Star Wars Epode 2: Attack of the Clones.”  Lord knows George Lucas has taken h share of abuse for the prequel trilogy, much of it deserved.  Personally, I’d never had such high hopes for something that turned out to be such a crushing dappointment since I lost my virginity.  Except “Epode 2″ lasted 1:59:30 longer.

Still there’s one thing no parent can deny: Kids love these things.  Boba Fett and Jango Fett have major cult status among the preteen crowd.  The dizzying, actiony battle sequences. Mace Windu.  Count Dooku.  Kickass, fully mobile Yoda. The CGI creatures.  Between my two sons I’ve seen these things literally dozens of times and I have to admit, technically they’re marvels.  Vually stunning.  The problem comes when you AREN’T watching.  Just ltening.  Then you fully appreciate what a horrible msed opportunity the second trilogy was.

A while back I had the mfortune of driving the Grwold Family Truckster while my son watched “Attack of the Clones.”  And by not seeing the vuals but just ltening, it hit me that th could be the worst screenplay any major studio release has had in our lifetimes.  Just abysmally bad.  An F in any freshman Film Studies class:

Hackneyed foreshadowing:

Obi-Wan Kenobi: Why do I get the feeling you’re going to be the death of me?
Anakin Skywalker: Don’t say that Master… You’re the closest thing I have to a father… I love you. I don’t want to cause you pain.

Anakin struggles with h >ahem< “emotions”:

“Attachment forbidden. Possession forbidden. Compassion, which I would define as unconditional love, essential to a Jedi’s life. So you might say, that we are encouraged to love.”

…but then demonstrates h emotional range:

“I killed them. I killed them all. They’re dead, every single one of them. And not just the men, but the women and the children, too. They’re like animals, and I slaughtered them like animals. I HATE THEM!”

Yoda’s tortured syntax:

“But for certain, Senator, in grave danger you are.”

“Track down th bounty hunter, you must.”

“Until caught th killer , our judgment she must respect.”
“Dangerous and dturbing th puzzle . Only a Jedi could have erased those files. But who, and why, harder to answer. Meditate on th I will.”

Madcap hijinks out of annoying side characters:

[R2-D2 pulling C-3PO's head back towards h body]
C-3PO: Th such a drag!

[h head placed next to h body]
C-3PO: I’m quite beside myself!

Jar Jar Binks: Senators. Dellow feligates…

Dullest smack talk ever:

Count Dooku: It obvious that th contest cannot be decided by our knowledge of the Force… but by our skills with a lightsaber.

Count Dooku: As you can see, my Jedi powers are far beyond yours. Now, back down.
Obi-Wan: I don’t think so.

The future Dark Lord of the galaxy, apparently working on h Twilight fan fiction:

“From the moment I met you, all those years ago, not a day has gone by when I haven’t thought of you. And now that I’m with you again… I’m in agony. The closer I get to you, the worse it gets. The thought of not being with you- I can’t breath. I’m haunted by the ks that you should never have given me. My heart beating… hoping that ks will not become a scar. You are in my very soul, tormenting me…”

Flirting so bad you wh the Death Star would swing by and blow the planet to bits before they say another word:

Anakin: So have you, grown more beautiful… for a senator, I mean.
Padme: Ani, you’ll always be that little boy I knew on Tatooine.

And for my money, the most chalk-on-a-blackboard quote in movie htory:

Anakin: I don’t like sand. It’s coarse and rough and irritating and it gets everywhere. Not like here. Here everything soft and smooth.

Ten years n’t enough time to deaden the pain.  Compare any of those quotes to anything that came out of the mouths of Luke, Han or Leia and weep. In “AotC”‘s defense though, it did give the world Natalie Portman with half her shirt ripped off.  There are no words for that:


@JerryThornton1

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