Did they “Get! It! ON!”?? Man Blames Caffeine for Groping

SEATTLE (UPI) — A Washington state school bus driver said at his sentencing hearing he groped teenage girls and women because he had consumed too much caffeine.  Kenneth Sands, 51, who was charged with five counts of fourth-degree assault, told the judge at his Tuesday sentencing he had consumed too much caffeine prior to the events of Oct. 18, KOMO-TV, Seattle, reported Thursday.  “That caused a psychotic episode,” Sands said. “My son-in-law and daughter had never seen that kind of behavior from myself.”  The Lewis County sheriff’s office said Sands, a driver for the Rainier School District, was attending a volleyball game in Onalaska Oct. 18 as a spectator, not a driver, when he allegedly touched a 46-year-old woman’s breasts three times and grabbed her buttocks when she tried to get away from him.  He also allegedly grabbed a 15-year-old girl’s buttocks outside of a bus after the game and slapped a 16-year-old girl’s behind as she was boarding the vehicle.  The sheriff’s office said Sands got onto the school bus and touched a girl in an inappropriate manner before being kicked off by the driver.  Sands was sentenced to 30 days in jail for each count.


So, okay, who do we believe here?  Do liters a’cola really make the men go wild?  I mean, who has time to touch the same woman’s breasts three times without getting punched in the face?  And then all I can picture is this crazy man running around, copping feels left and right, leaving a wake of terrified ladies in his path, clutching their respective rear ends and chests in weirded-out-ness.  That’s a word, by the way.  Look it up.


No picture was associated with this story, but we all know who it was… Jerry, this is for you, honey…




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