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Movie Quotes for Analyze This
"
Well, I didn’t ask to see his Mafia decoder ring, but yes."
Movie:
Analyze This
Actor:
Billy Crystal
Character:
Dr. Ben Sobel
"
Hey, people get depressed, they jump. But that ain’t my fault."
Movie:
Analyze This
Actor:
Robert De Niro
Character:
Boss Paul Vitti
"
Hey, Paul."
Movie:
Analyze This
Actor:
Chazz Palminteri
Character:
Primo
"
Ah fuck Freud. After what you just told me, you know, I’m afraid to call my own mother on the phone!"
Movie:
Analyze This
Actor:
Robert De Niro
Character:
Boss Paul Vitti
"
Are you having marriage problems?"
Movie:
Analyze This
Actor:
Billy Crystal
Character:
Dr. Ben Sobel
"
Times are changing. You’ve got to change with the times."
Movie:
Analyze This
Actor:
Joseph Rigano
Character:
Dominic
"
Was that really Paul Vitti?"
Movie:
Analyze This
Actor:
Kyle Sabihy
Character:
Michael Sobel
"
Well, what I think you should do…is stop whining about this pathetic loser."
Movie:
Analyze This
Actor:
Billy Crystal
Character:
Dr. Ben Sobel
"
I know, that’s the word on the street. Barnes is okay, but that Noble is a vindictive prick."
Movie:
Analyze This
Actor:
Billy Crystal
Character:
Dr. Ben Sobel
"
That’s it! Over! I’m no longer your doctor!"
Movie:
Analyze This
Actor:
Billy Crystal
Character:
Dr. Ben Sobel
"
No, Doc. That one’s mine. You got the ’72 Chevy, and the Amana side-by-side refrigerator-freezer."
Movie:
Analyze This
Actor:
Joe Viterelli
Character:
Jelly
"
You’re Paul Vitti. The Mobster"
Movie:
Analyze This
Actor:
Ira Wheeler
Character:
Scott MacNamara
"
Get a dictionary. Find out what this closure thing is. If that’s what he’s going to hit us with I want to be ready."
Movie:
Analyze This
Actor:
Chazz Palminteri
Character:
Primo
"
Call the Vatican. See if something is missing."
Movie:
Analyze This
Actor:
Billy Crystal
Character:
Dr. Ben Sobel
"
What do you think I should do?"
Movie:
Analyze This
Actor:
Molly Shannon
Character:
Caroline
"
I don’t know what your talking about."
Movie:
Analyze This
Actor:
Chazz Palminteri
Character:
Primo
"
I do things with her I can’t do with my wife."
Movie:
Analyze This
Actor:
Robert De Niro
Character:
Boss Paul Vitti
"
You don’t hear the word no a lot do you?"
Movie:
Analyze This
Actor:
Billy Crystal
Character:
Dr. Ben Sobel
"
A half a sandwich."
Movie:
Analyze This
Actor:
Joe Viterelli
Character:
Jelly
"
Well, that’s something I never thought I’d hear another man say to me."
Movie:
Analyze This
Actor:
Billy Crystal
Character:
Dr. Ben Sobel
"
I’m just trying to, tell you about my feelings and that I’m angry, and that anger is a blocked wish. And I’m looking forward to seeing you next week at that thing. Then i can unblock that angered wish and then hopefully, hopefully you make one more move on me you motherfucker ill fucking cut your fucking balls off ill shove them up your fucking ass, ill fucking bury you, ill put ice picks in your eyes, ill chop your fucking eyeballs, ill send them to your fucking family so they can eat them for dessert. You understand me?"
Movie:
Analyze This
Actor:
Robert De Niro
Character:
Boss Paul Vitti
"
I have to say, not being able to perform three or four times…"
Movie:
Analyze This
Actor:
Billy Crystal
Character:
Dr. Ben Sobel
"
Hey, that’s the mouth she kisses my kids goodnight with! What are you, crazy?"
Movie:
Analyze This
Actor:
Robert De Niro
Character:
Boss Paul Vitti
"
I couldn’t get it up last night."
Movie:
Analyze This
Actor:
Robert De Niro
Character:
Boss Paul Vitti
"
Hmm, I think Mark Twain said that, didn’t he?"
Movie:
Analyze This
Actor:
Billy Crystal
Character:
Dr. Ben Sobel
"
We wanna be there, but I’ve got three book signings next weekend. I can’t piss off these big bookstores! If I cancel, they stick me down on the bottom shelves. That’s the way they are."
Movie:
Analyze This
Actor:
Bill Macy
Character:
Dr. Isaac Sobel
"
I’m gonna get a bite to eat. You wanna sandwich or somethin’?"
Movie:
Analyze This
Actor:
Joe Viterelli
Character:
Jelly
"
It was going great until the, cutting off of the balls and shoving it up his, ass. You know what i do when I’m mad? I hit a pillow. Just hit the pillow. See how you feel"
Movie:
Analyze This
Actor:
Billy Crystal
Character:
Dr. Ben Sobel
"
What? ‘Cause of this?"
Movie:
Analyze This
Actor:
Robert De Niro
Character:
Boss Paul Vitti
"
You broke my heart, Jelly, you broke my heart."
Movie:
Analyze This
Actor:
Billy Crystal
Character:
Dr. Ben Sobel
"
I am redefining weird on an hourly basis."
Movie:
Analyze This
Actor:
Billy Crystal
Character:
Dr. Ben Sobel
"
You see my picture in the paper?"
Movie:
Analyze This
Actor:
Robert De Niro
Character:
Boss Paul Vitti
"
Oedipus was a Greek king who killed his father and married his mother."
Movie:
Analyze This
Actor:
Billy Crystal
Character:
Dr. Ben Sobel
"
You think those whales piss in that water?"
Movie:
Analyze This
Actor:
Richard C. Castellano
Character:
Jimmy
"
This is impossible. This is you: Doc I’m in pain you gotta help me. Okay Paul I’ll help you. Fuck you! Nobody helps Paul Viti!"
Movie:
Analyze This
Actor:
Billy Crystal
Character:
Dr. Ben Sobel
"
Dr. Sobel, Mam. I’m Agent Steadman, Agent Ricci, Agent Provano, Federal Bureau Of Investigation, OCD."
Movie:
Analyze This
Actor:
Jimmie Ray Weeks
Character:
FBI Agent Steadman
"
I can feel the juices rushing back to my balls as we speak."
Movie:
Analyze This
Actor:
Robert De Niro
Character:
Boss Paul Vitti
"
Don’t kid yourself, Jelly, it doesn’t get more personal."
Movie:
Analyze This
Actor:
Billy Crystal
Character:
Dr. Ben Sobel
"
I’m a psychiatrist. Believe me, I can be vague."
Movie:
Analyze This
Actor:
Billy Crystal
Character:
Dr. Ben Sobel
"
Hey, that’s good, Doc."
Movie:
Analyze This
Actor:
Joe Viterelli
Character:
Jelly
"
I was Fredo? I don’t think so."
Movie:
Analyze This
Actor:
Robert De Niro
Character:
Boss Paul Vitti
"
Why can’t you do them with your wife?"
Movie:
Analyze This
Actor:
Billy Crystal
Character:
Dr. Ben Sobel
"
I’m very angry. I’m feeling very angry about that. I’m enraged. I’m feeling very, very mad about that."
Movie:
Analyze This
Actor:
Robert De Niro
Character:
Boss Paul Vitti
"
You know, you can take a pill for that."
Movie:
Analyze This
Actor:
Billy Crystal
Character:
Dr. Ben Sobel
"
You’re turning me down?"
Movie:
Analyze This
Actor:
Robert De Niro
Character:
Boss Paul Vitti
"
J-Jelly? Did I do that?"
Movie:
Analyze This
Actor:
Billy Crystal
Character:
Dr. Ben Sobel
"
Dad has a patient who thinks he shits trout."
Movie:
Analyze This
Actor:
Kyle Sabihy
Character:
Michael Sobel
"
But the black milk dream is also about your father."
Movie:
Analyze This
Actor:
Billy Crystal
Character:
Dr. Ben Sobel
"
There’s your fuckin’ pillow."
Movie:
Analyze This
Actor:
Robert De Niro
Character:
Boss Paul Vitti
"
You get a dictionary and find out what this closure is. If that’s what hes going to hit us with i want to know what it is"
Movie:
Analyze This
Actor:
Chazz Palminteri
Character:
Primo
"
My wife wakes me up, it’s the middle of the night, the baby’s crying. I go to the refrigerator to get a bottle of milk, and the milk is black."
Movie:
Analyze This
Actor:
Robert De Niro
Character:
Boss Paul Vitti
"
I don’t know, he probably left a note. Jelly, did they find that note?"
Movie:
Analyze This
Actor:
Robert De Niro
Character:
Boss Paul Vitti
"
Whoever did that thing to you-know-who, that good friend of mine, well they’re trying to do that to me now. And I’m having a lot of feelings about that. And I’m trying to get some closure on that."
Movie:
Analyze This
Actor:
Robert De Niro
Character:
Boss Paul Vitti
"
No, I think they use the men’s room next to the Burger King."
Movie:
Analyze This
Actor:
Joe Viterelli
Character:
Jelly
"
Dad, you’re not coming to my wedding?"
Movie:
Analyze This
Actor:
Billy Crystal
Character:
Dr. Ben Sobel
"
Well, I hear it all the time, only it’s more like no please no!"
Movie:
Analyze This
Actor:
Robert De Niro
Character:
Boss Paul Vitti
"
Well, you said you were fighting. You were rebelling against his authority. There may have been some unresolved Oedipal conflict."
Movie:
Analyze This
Actor:
Billy Crystal
Character:
Dr. Ben Sobel
"
Organized Crime Division. We need to talk."
Movie:
Analyze This
Actor:
Bob Cea
Character:
FBI Agent Ricci
"
Oh, so you’re telling me it was suicide?"
Movie:
Analyze This
Actor:
Billy Crystal
Character:
Dr. Ben Sobel
"
Obsessive Compulsive Disorder?"
Movie:
Analyze This
Actor:
Billy Crystal
Character:
Dr. Ben Sobel
"
Oh, and let me guess what it says? Life is bullshit I can’t fucking take it no more! Signed the Dead Guy."
Movie:
Analyze This
Actor:
Billy Crystal
Character:
Dr. Ben Sobel
"
You mean sexually?"
Movie:
Analyze This
Actor:
Billy Crystal
Character:
Dr. Ben Sobel
"
That’s very good, here’s you"
Movie:
Analyze This
Actor:
Robert De Niro
Character:
Boss Paul Vitti
"
You are a tragedy queen! Oh Steve doesn’t like me! Steve doesn’t respect me! Oh who gives a shit? GET A FUCKIN’ LIFE!"
Movie:
Analyze This
Actor:
Billy Crystal
Character:
Dr. Ben Sobel
"
Let me get this straight: you flew all the way down to Miami and kidnapped me from my hotel room in the middle of the night just because you couldn’t get an erection?"
Movie:
Analyze This
Actor:
Billy Crystal
Character:
Dr. Ben Sobel
"
So why are you telling me?"
Movie:
Analyze This
Actor:
Chazz Palminteri
Character:
Primo
"
What, that you’re a scary guy? Believe me, I get it."
Movie:
Analyze This
Actor:
Billy Crystal
Character:
Dr. Ben Sobel
"
Sorry, Doc. Nothing personal."
Movie:
Analyze This
Actor:
Joe Viterelli
Character:
Jelly
"
Hey why don’t you look over that way before I bust you in your fuckin’ head."
Movie:
Analyze This
Actor:
Robert De Niro
Character:
Boss Paul Vitti
"
Fuck you."
Movie:
Analyze This
Actor:
Chazz Palminteri
Character:
Primo
"
You, with your schmucky little office in your schmucky little home, you’re turning me down? For what, so you can go back and listen to housewives piss and moan about how nobody fucks ‘em right anymore?"
Movie:
Analyze This
Actor:
Robert De Niro
Character:
Boss Paul Vitti
"
What happened with your wife last night?"
Movie:
Analyze This
Actor:
Billy Crystal
Character:
Dr. Ben Sobel
"
What kind of sandwich ain’t too fattening?"
Movie:
Analyze This
Actor:
Dave Corey
Character:
Guard
"
Hey, they were trying to make a point."
Movie:
Analyze This
Actor:
Robert De Niro
Character:
Boss Paul Vitti
"
No, I mean for the big game against Michigan State. Of course sexually! What the fuck’s the matter with you?"
Movie:
Analyze This
Actor:
Robert De Niro
Character:
Boss Paul Vitti
"
They threw me in the shark tank, Paul! The shark tank!"
Movie:
Analyze This
Actor:
Billy Crystal
Character:
Dr. Ben Sobel
"
No, I’m not, I’m just trying to understand, why do you have a girlfriend?"
Movie:
Analyze This
Actor:
Billy Crystal
Character:
Dr. Ben Sobel
"
1957 was a big year. The Russians put that Sputnik into outer space, the Dodgers played their last game at Ebbets Field to say goodbye to Brooklyn, that guy shot Frank Costello in the head, and missed, and the Gallo brothers whacked Albert Anastasia in the barber shop of the Sheraton View hotel. It was total chaos. With Anastasia out of the way, Vito Genovese figures he’s the big boss. But Carlo Gambino and Joe Bananas, they had other ideas. So they called a meeting. A big meeting."
Movie:
Analyze This
Actor:
Robert De Niro
Character:
Boss Paul Vitti
"
Now is that polite? Is that nice? I’m tryin’ to be nice over here. Do I go up to you and say, Hey you’re so-and-so the Hard-On?"
Movie:
Analyze This
Actor:
Robert De Niro
Character:
Boss Paul Vitti
"
Feel better?"
Movie:
Analyze This
Actor:
Billy Crystal
Character:
Dr. Ben Sobel
"
Yeah, I do."
Movie:
Analyze This
Actor:
Robert De Niro
Character:
Boss Paul Vitti
"
Well, maybe not to you, look at you. But if I can’t get it up, that makes me less of a man, and I can’t have that. In my world I deal with animals, Doctor. They may seem dumb to an educated guy like you, but make no mistake, Doctor, animals are very cunning, and they sense weakness."
Movie:
Analyze This
Actor:
Robert De Niro
Character:
Boss Paul Vitti
"
I wasn’t really gonna whack you."
Movie:
Analyze This
Actor:
Robert De Niro
Character:
Boss Paul Vitti
"
You know normally a patient wouldn’t have a vat of Scotch during a session."
Movie:
Analyze This
Actor:
Billy Crystal
Character:
Dr. Ben Sobel
"
And hopefully, hopefully…if you make one more move on me, you motherfucker, I’ll fuckin’ cut your fuckin’ balls off and shove ‘em up your fuckin’ ass. I’ll fuckin’ bury you! I’m gonna stick ice picks in your eyes and send ‘em to your family so they can eat them for dessert!"
Movie:
Analyze This
Actor:
Robert De Niro
Character:
Boss Paul Vitti
"
Why am i telling you? Like you don’t know nothing about it? You don’t know nothing? What?"
Movie:
Analyze This
Actor:
Robert De Niro
Character:
Boss Paul Vitti
"
Nah, I don’t buy that. In the dream, I’m bringing the baby the black milk."
Movie:
Analyze This
Actor:
Robert De Niro
Character:
Boss Paul Vitti
"
…eight times, is not catastrophic."
Movie:
Analyze This
Actor:
Billy Crystal
Character:
Dr. Ben Sobel
"
Then why do you have a girlfriend?"
Movie:
Analyze This
Actor:
Billy Crystal
Character:
Dr. Ben Sobel
"
I wasn’t with my wife, I was with my girlfriend."
Movie:
Analyze This
Actor:
Robert De Niro
Character:
Boss Paul Vitti
"
Don’t that prove I’m motivated?"
Movie:
Analyze This
Actor:
Robert De Niro
Character:
Boss Paul Vitti
"
Fuck Freud."
Movie:
Analyze This
Actor:
Robert De Niro
Character:
Boss Paul Vitti
"
But let’s just say that you are the baby. Freud believed you’re everyone in your dreams."
Movie:
Analyze This
Actor:
Billy Crystal
Character:
Dr. Ben Sobel
"
What kind of feelings?"
Movie:
Analyze This
Actor:
Chazz Palminteri
Character:
Primo
"
Paul, you have to channel all this nice grief into a murderous rage."
Movie:
Analyze This
Actor:
Billy Crystal
Character:
Dr. Ben Sobel
"
Hey, what do you expect? I saw you for five minutes! I can’t work miracles, Mr. Viti! And let me tell you something, I do not appreciate it when someone sneaks into my hotel room and kidnaps me in the middle of the night. I have a life, Mr. Viti, I have a family, and I have a serious practice, and I don’t have time for your BULLSHIT!…That got away from me at the end there."
Movie:
Analyze This
Actor:
Billy Crystal
Character:
Dr. Ben Sobel
"
You should get more roughage in your diet, Doc. A bran muffin in the morning would help that…"
Movie:
Analyze This
Actor:
Joe Viterelli
Character:
Jelly
"
Uh no, but they will in a minute."
Movie:
Analyze This
Actor:
Joe Viterelli
Character:
Jelly
"
Oh thats interesting. How does that feel to you? Anger is a blocked wish. Boo fuckin’ hoo hoo."
Movie:
Analyze This
Actor:
Robert De Niro
Character:
Boss Paul Vitti
"
Because of this little DOUBLE HOMICIDE? YES!"
Movie:
Analyze This
Actor:
Billy Crystal
Character:
Dr. Ben Sobel
"
Fuckin’ Greeks."
Movie:
Analyze This
Actor:
Robert De Niro
Character:
Boss Paul Vitti
"
The other day, I was watching a commercial with a kid playing with a couple of puppies, I cried for forty five minutes! You slap a pair of tits on me, I’m a woman!"
Movie:
Analyze This
Actor:
Robert De Niro
Character:
Boss Paul Vitti
"
Doc, if you gotta talk, try to be vague. Can you do that?"
Movie:
Analyze This
Actor:
Billy Crystal
Character:
Dr. Ben Sobel
"
You know what I do when I’m angry? I hit a pillow. Just hit the pillow, see how you feel."
Movie:
Analyze This
Actor:
Billy Crystal
Character:
Dr. Ben Sobel
"
My name is Ben Sobel…-lioni. Ben Sobellioni. I’m also known as, uh, Benny the Groin, Sammy the Schnazz, Elmer the Fudd, Tubby the Tuba, and once as Miss Phyllis Levine."
Movie:
Analyze This
Actor:
Billy Crystal
Character:
Dr. Ben Sobel
"
If I talk to you, and you turn me into a fag…im gonna kill you , you understand?"
Movie:
Analyze This
Actor:
Robert De Niro
Character:
Boss Paul Vitti
"
Hey, I got news for you, you little two-bit prick, son-of-a-bitch, rat-bastard you did nothing for me! Whatever you did the other day didn’t take! I’m still fucked up! You did fucking NOTHING for me!"
Movie:
Analyze This
Actor:
Robert De Niro
Character:
Boss Paul Vitti
"
What, are you gonna start moralizing on me?"
Movie:
Analyze This
Actor:
Robert De Niro
Character:
Boss Paul Vitti
"
What, am I supposed to get a fuckin’ website?"
Movie:
Analyze This
Actor:
Robert De Niro
Character:
Boss Paul Vitti
"
I don’t even get the paper."
Movie:
Analyze This
Actor:
Billy Crystal
Character:
Dr. Ben Sobel
"
Okay, I was gonna whack you. But I was real conflicted about it."
Movie:
Analyze This
Actor:
Robert De Niro
Character:
Boss Paul Vitti
"
Nah, you start with the pills, the next thing you know you’re putting in hydraulics. A hard-on should be achieved legitimately or it shouldn’t be achieved at all."
Movie:
Analyze This
Actor:
Robert De Niro
Character:
Boss Paul Vitti
"
I’d like to see a movie, but it’s nothing but this shoot-em-up action bullshit. I get enough of that at work."
Movie:
Analyze This
Actor:
Chazz Palminteri
Character:
Primo
"
When I got into family therapy, this was not the family I had in mind."
Movie:
Analyze This
Actor:
Billy Crystal
Character:
Dr. Ben Sobel
"
What is my goal here, to make you a happy, well-adjusted gangster?"
Movie:
Analyze This
Actor:
Billy Crystal
Character:
Dr. Ben Sobel
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