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Movie Quotes for American Pie
Choir chick! What the hell are you doing here?
Movie:
American Pie
Actor:
Seann William Scott
Character:
Steve Stifler
She’s a cartoon dude.
Movie:
American Pie
Actor:
Chris Klein
Character:
Chris Oz" Ostreicher"
Jeez you don’t have to laugh at me.
Movie:
American Pie
Actor:
Chris Klein
Character:
Chris Oz" Ostreicher"
Finch, get to the bathroom, now!
Movie:
American Pie
Actor:
Thomas Ian Nicholas
Character:
Kevin
Just focus on the music, think melody, let the music be my guide.
Movie:
American Pie
Actor:
Character:
Choir singer
All right, all right – I’m here for your dumb meeting.
Movie:
American Pie
Actor:
Eddie Kaye Thomas
Character:
Finch
She called me and asked for my number.
Movie:
American Pie
Actor:
Seann William Scott
Character:
Steve Stifler
I don’t want any of you boys thinking, that you’re gonna score. You don’t score, until you score!
Movie:
American Pie
Actor:
Lawrence Pressman
Character:
Coach Marshall
You actually said that?
Movie:
American Pie
Actor:
Seann William Scott
Character:
Steve Stifler
She’s a hot cartoon.
Movie:
American Pie
Actor:
Jason Biggs
Character:
Jim
Well I’m very happy to entertain you Oz. So how you doing Kev, you okay?
Movie:
American Pie
Actor:
Jason Biggs
Character:
Jim
Yeah, you said it…Anyway, I was calling to see if I could get some advice – brother-to-brother. I mean, I think that tonight, Vicky’s…I mean, there’s a definite chance that…
Movie:
American Pie
Actor:
Thomas Ian Nicholas
Character:
Kevin
He’s desperate. Jim, just wait till she leaves.
Movie:
American Pie
Actor:
Eddie Kaye Thomas
Character:
Finch
masturbating when I was a little younger. I used to call it stroking the salami, yeah, you know, pounding the old pud.
Movie:
American Pie
Actor:
Eugene Levy
Character:
Jim's Dad
Yeah man, I thought you sounded really good!
Movie:
American Pie
Actor:
Jason Biggs
Character:
Jim
Wait, ready for what?
Movie:
American Pie
Actor:
Thomas Ian Nicholas
Character:
Kevin
Go, trig boy! It’s your birthday!
Movie:
American Pie
Actor:
Mark Hoppus
Character:
Garage Band Member
Well, uh, I was asking Chris to the prom. So do you wanna go?
Movie:
American Pie
Actor:
Mena Suvari
Character:
Heather
It’s not a game.
Movie:
American Pie
Actor:
Jason Biggs
Character:
Jim
Yeah, that’d be a start.
Movie:
American Pie
Actor:
Mena Suvari
Character:
Heather
I couldn’t have said it better myself
Movie:
American Pie
Actor:
Jason Biggs
Character:
Jim
Woah, you’re breaking up there. I gotta go, good luck at the party.
Movie:
American Pie
Actor:
Casey Affleck
Character:
Tom Myers
Hey, I’m not making fun – I’m fucking impressed! I mean, Hi six inch or foot-long white or wheat? – that’s some serious shit to master!
Movie:
American Pie
Actor:
Seann William Scott
Character:
Steve Stifler
Don’t call me that any more. I’m a fraud.
Movie:
American Pie
Actor:
Chris Klein
Character:
Chris Oz" Ostreicher"
That’s charming.
Movie:
American Pie
Actor:
Eddie Kaye Thomas
Character:
Finch
All right, all right – listen, have you ever heard of The Bible?
Movie:
American Pie
Actor:
Casey Affleck
Character:
Tom Myers
Hey, don’t worry about it bro, I got the solution; It never happened. Forget about it. Don’t mention it again and just lay low and hopefully – hopefully – she won’t mention it again.
Movie:
American Pie
Actor:
Chris Klein
Character:
Chris Oz" Ostreicher"
Good, then you’re still safe.
Movie:
American Pie
Actor:
Chris Klein
Character:
Chris Oz" Ostreicher"
Behold Ultra Dog – No dog.
Movie:
American Pie
Actor:
Eddie Kaye Thomas
Character:
Finch
Bullshit – from where?
Movie:
American Pie
Actor:
Seann William Scott
Character:
Steve Stifler
You came to see me in action?
Movie:
American Pie
Actor:
Chris Klein
Character:
Chris Oz" Ostreicher"
Why? What did you do to him?
Movie:
American Pie
Actor:
Thomas Ian Nicholas
Character:
Kevin
Myers…I mean, what’s the deal with you and Vicky anyways? I mean you guys have been going since homecoming for God’s sakes and all she’s do is blow you? Shit, I’d drop her like a steaming turd!
Movie:
American Pie
Actor:
Seann William Scott
Character:
Steve Stifler
What did you just say?
Movie:
American Pie
Actor:
Tara Subkoff
Character:
College Girl
You couldn’t have said it at all Jim…
Movie:
American Pie
Actor:
Chris Klein
Character:
Chris Oz" Ostreicher"
I have to admit, you know, I did the fair bit of
Movie:
American Pie
Actor:
Eugene Levy
Character:
Jim's Dad
Yeah right Oz, I bet it’s more like your dad works at her store.
Movie:
American Pie
Actor:
Seann William Scott
Character:
Steve Stifler
She’s a college chick.
Movie:
American Pie
Actor:
Chris Klein
Character:
Chris Oz" Ostreicher"
Yeah, that would be great.
Movie:
American Pie
Actor:
Chris Klein
Character:
Chris Oz" Ostreicher"
Really Stifler, he’s the manager.
Movie:
American Pie
Actor:
Thomas Ian Nicholas
Character:
Kevin
He’s pullin’ out the porn.
Movie:
American Pie
Actor:
Thomas Ian Nicholas
Character:
Kevin
Stifler, you’re such an asshole!
Movie:
American Pie
Actor:
Thomas Ian Nicholas
Character:
Kevin
What? Not THE Bible?
Movie:
American Pie
Actor:
Thomas Ian Nicholas
Character:
Kevin
What the fuck are you doing here?
Movie:
American Pie
Actor:
Seann William Scott
Character:
Steve Stifler
That’s not really its name but that’s what we call it.
Movie:
American Pie
Actor:
Casey Affleck
Character:
Tom Myers
Tell me he did not just get out the chair.
Movie:
American Pie
Actor:
Eddie Kaye Thomas
Character:
Finch
Maybe we’ll just have to call you two-ply.
Movie:
American Pie
Actor:
Thomas Ian Nicholas
Character:
Kevin
You did better than me Nova.
Movie:
American Pie
Actor:
Jason Biggs
Character:
Jim
Is that legal? Can you do that?
Movie:
American Pie
Actor:
Eddie Kaye Thomas
Character:
Finch
Did not just take out that chair.
Movie:
American Pie
Actor:
Eddie Kaye Thomas
Character:
Finch
And what did you say?
Movie:
American Pie
Actor:
Jason Biggs
Character:
Jim
I’ve never tried it.
Movie:
American Pie
Actor:
Tara Reid
Character:
Vicky
Nothing – I mean I hugged her back.
Movie:
American Pie
Actor:
Thomas Ian Nicholas
Character:
Kevin
Easy tiger, what’s in there?
Movie:
American Pie
Actor:
Eddie Kaye Thomas
Character:
Finch
Listen, you’re going to shit your pants.
Movie:
American Pie
Actor:
Thomas Ian Nicholas
Character:
Kevin
Shit dude, the ‘L’ word?
Movie:
American Pie
Actor:
Chris Klein
Character:
Chris Oz" Ostreicher"
Yup, he took out the chair.
Movie:
American Pie
Actor:
Thomas Ian Nicholas
Character:
Kevin
That’s pathetic!
Movie:
American Pie
Actor:
Tara Subkoff
Character:
College Girl
Does it tell me how to…to get laid?
Movie:
American Pie
Actor:
Thomas Ian Nicholas
Character:
Kevin
We’ll just tell your mother that…we ate it all.
Movie:
American Pie
Actor:
Eugene Levy
Character:
Jim's Dad
You’ve never had an orgasm? Not even manually?
Movie:
American Pie
Actor:
Natasha Lyonne
Character:
Jessica
You know what? Nevermind, you’re not ready.
Movie:
American Pie
Actor:
Casey Affleck
Character:
Tom Myers
You think she was serious?
Movie:
American Pie
Actor:
Jason Biggs
Character:
Jim
God…let this be it.
Movie:
American Pie
Actor:
Jason Biggs
Character:
Jim
He got out the chair.
Movie:
American Pie
Actor:
Thomas Ian Nicholas
Character:
Kevin
She works part-time at my dad’s store.
Movie:
American Pie
Actor:
Chris Klein
Character:
Chris Oz" Ostreicher"
Vicky, Jessica, great to see you, glad you could make it! Ha ha, Bitches.
Movie:
American Pie
Actor:
Seann William Scott
Character:
Steve Stifler
Well, well, she could have meant like I love you Grandma or I Love you Cornell
Movie:
American Pie
Actor:
Thomas Ian Nicholas
Character:
Kevin
I did it. Don’t care.
Movie:
American Pie
Actor:
Jason Biggs
Character:
Jim
And why is this?
Movie:
American Pie
Actor:
Eddie Kaye Thomas
Character:
Finch
Well, just don’t expect Oz to pay for the limo.
Movie:
American Pie
Actor:
Seann William Scott
Character:
Steve Stifler
What to hell is that?
Movie:
American Pie
Actor:
Justin Isfeld
Character:
MILF Guy #1
Dude, come on, he does not.
Movie:
American Pie
Actor:
Chris Klein
Character:
Chris Oz" Ostreicher"
Boys, boys, boys. I’m on the offensive, the Sherman tank is going back in, locked on target, flying in stealth mode under enemy sex radar, ready to make the payload – again.
Movie:
American Pie
Actor:
Chris Owen
Character:
Chuck Sherman
Awesome! That was better than Jurassic Park! Oh man…
Movie:
American Pie
Actor:
Eli Marienthal
Character:
Stifler's Brother
I personally enjoyed the double-bagging part myself.
Movie:
American Pie
Actor:
Chris Klein
Character:
Chris Oz" Ostreicher"
Okay, ‘unlisted age’ plus ‘youthful mind’ equals ‘Old’.
Movie:
American Pie
Actor:
Thomas Ian Nicholas
Character:
Kevin
No, no no no – ‘Charming’ is old; ‘Older’ is really old; ‘Youthful mind’ is dead.
Movie:
American Pie
Actor:
Jason Biggs
Character:
Jim
You’re still eating that damn imitation hot dog?
Movie:
American Pie
Actor:
Chris Klein
Character:
Chris Oz" Ostreicher"
It’s not an imitation. Removing the actual ‘dog’ from the Ultra Dog makes a better hot dog.
Movie:
American Pie
Actor:
Eddie Kaye Thomas
Character:
Finch
Look, Stifler slipped some sort of laxative in your coffee and it’s fast acting – really fast.
Movie:
American Pie
Actor:
Eddie Kaye Thomas
Character:
Finch
Listen, Kevin, you know first of all it’s mochachino…Oh…Oh!
Movie:
American Pie
Actor:
Eddie Kaye Thomas
Character:
Finch
Fun Loving: Insane.
Movie:
American Pie
Actor:
Chris Klein
Character:
Chris Oz" Ostreicher"
I do when I’m throwing them at your mom, you damn freak!
Movie:
American Pie
Actor:
Seann William Scott
Character:
Steve Stifler
You called to ask me how to get laid?
Movie:
American Pie
Actor:
Casey Affleck
Character:
Tom Myers
Well yeah you know, it’s not like I can really call dad. I don’t even have his number.
Movie:
American Pie
Actor:
Thomas Ian Nicholas
Character:
Kevin
It’s listed A-S-S-H-O-L-E.
Movie:
American Pie
Actor:
Casey Affleck
Character:
Tom Myers
Guys guys guys – here’s an easy one, okay: Attractive single white female fun-loving youthful mind seeks outgoing companion”. Okay; Attractive: ugly.”
Movie:
American Pie
Actor:
Jason Biggs
Character:
Jim
She’s a mermaid dude.
Movie:
American Pie
Actor:
Chris Klein
Character:
Chris Oz" Ostreicher"
Yeah, but not when she’s on land, Oz.
Movie:
American Pie
Actor:
Jason Biggs
Character:
Jim
Hey, Stifler, how’s the Pale Ale”?”
Movie:
American Pie
Actor:
Thomas Ian Nicholas
Character:
Kevin
Dude, is ther anything you don’t jerk off to?
Movie:
American Pie
Actor:
Chris Klein
Character:
Chris Oz" Ostreicher"
Of course there is. C-Span.
Movie:
American Pie
Actor:
Jason Biggs
Character:
Jim
Do you commonly grasp warm pieces of stool?
Movie:
American Pie
Actor:
Eddie Kaye Thomas
Character:
Finch
Me? Nothing. I’m the one who ass he kicked. But uh…I’ll tell you one thing…I don’t think he’s gonna have a problem shitting in school anymore. Slipped a little something into his Moccachino.
Movie:
American Pie
Actor:
Seann William Scott
Character:
Steve Stifler
If Sherman has sex before I do, I’m gonna be really pissed.
Movie:
American Pie
Actor:
Thomas Ian Nicholas
Character:
Kevin
Sherman? The Sherminator?
Movie:
American Pie
Actor:
Jason Biggs
Character:
Jim
So uh, shaved” is the expression?”
Movie:
American Pie
Actor:
Shannon Elizabeth
Character:
Nadia
I’m a sophisticated sex robot, sent back in time to change the future for one lucky lady.
Movie:
American Pie
Actor:
Chris Owen
Character:
Chuck Sherman
Did you see ‘The Little Mermaid’ on TV yesterday? Ariel, she’s so hot!
Movie:
American Pie
Actor:
Jason Biggs
Character:
Jim
No longer will our penises remain flaccid and unused! From now on, we fight for every man out there who isn’t getting laid when he should be! This is our day! This is our time! And, by God, we’re not gonna let history condemn us to celibacy! We will make a stand! We will succeed! We will get laid!
Movie:
American Pie
Actor:
Thomas Ian Nicholas
Character:
Kevin
Now, do you know what a clitoris is?
Movie:
American Pie
Actor:
Eugene Levy
Character:
Jim's Dad
This one time, at band camp, I stuck a flute in my pussy.
Movie:
American Pie
Actor:
Alyson Hannigan
Character:
Michelle
You guys are pathetic. I’m gonna find myself a little hottie.
Movie:
American Pie
Actor:
Seann William Scott
Character:
Steve Stifler
Hey, Kev, seen shit break lately?
Movie:
American Pie
Actor:
Seann William Scott
Character:
Steve Stifler
He’s got a dick, he’s a guy.
Movie:
American Pie
Actor:
Natasha Lyonne
Character:
Jessica
Dude that chick’s a MILF!
Movie:
American Pie
Actor:
John Cho
Character:
MILF Guy #2
M-I-L-F Mom I’d Like to Fuck!
Movie:
American Pie
Actor:
John Cho
Character:
MILF Guy #2
Well, they’re safer than a tube sock
Movie:
American Pie
Actor:
Eugene Levy
Character:
Jim's Dad
You’ve never double-clicked your mouse?
Movie:
American Pie
Actor:
Natasha Lyonne
Character:
Jessica
Stifler, fuck! I mean, why do you gotta be so insensitive all the time?
Movie:
American Pie
Actor:
Chris Klein
Character:
Chris Oz" Ostreicher"
I’ll see you guys tonight, in the No Fucking Section” right?”
Movie:
American Pie
Actor:
Seann William Scott
Character:
Steve Stifler
It’s like banging a tennis ball against a brick wall, which can be fun. It can be fun, but it’s not a game.
Movie:
American Pie
Actor:
Eugene Levy
Character:
Jim's Dad
What you want is a partner to return the ball.
Movie:
American Pie
Actor:
Eugene Levy
Character:
Jim's Dad
Maybe the words aren’t that important. It’s like, I know he really cares about me, you know even if he can’t say if he does. And yeah, he always talks about sex, but that’s ok cause he’s a guy, right?
Movie:
American Pie
Actor:
Tara Reid
Character:
Vicky
Single malt?
Movie:
American Pie
Actor:
Eddie Kaye Thomas
Character:
Finch
Aged eighteen years. The way I like it.
Movie:
American Pie
Actor:
Jennifer Coolidge
Character:
Stifler's Mom
What’s my name? Say my name, bitch!
Movie:
American Pie
Actor:
Alyson Hannigan
Character:
Michelle
I dunno, man, that sounds like a lot of work.
Movie:
American Pie
Actor:
Seann William Scott
Character:
Steve Stifler
She’s gone! Oh my God, she used me. I was used. I was used! Cool!
Movie:
American Pie
Actor:
Jason Biggs
Character:
Jim
Separately we are flawed and vulnerable, but together we are the masters of our sexual destiny.
Movie:
American Pie
Actor:
Thomas Ian Nicholas
Character:
Kevin
Their tiger-style kung fu is strong, but our dragon-style kung fu will defeat it!
Movie:
American Pie
Actor:
Jason Biggs
Character:
Jim
The Shaolin masters of East and West must unite! Fight! And find out who is number one!
Movie:
American Pie
Actor:
Chris Klein
Character:
Chris Oz" Ostreicher"
I got some scotch.
Movie:
American Pie
Actor:
Jennifer Coolidge
Character:
Stifler's Mom
I never did it with baked goods, but you know your uncle Mort, he pets the one-eyed snake 5-6 times a day.
Movie:
American Pie
Actor:
Eugene Levy
Character:
Jim's Dad
You ask them questions, and listen to what they have to say and shit.
Movie:
American Pie
Actor:
Chris Klein
Character:
Chris Oz" Ostreicher"
You want to take this one?
Movie:
American Pie
Actor:
Thomas Ian Nicholas
Character:
Kevin
Like warm apple pie.
Movie:
American Pie
Actor:
Chris Klein
Character:
Chris Oz" Ostreicher"
McDonald’s or homemade?
Movie:
American Pie
Actor:
Jason Biggs
Character:
Jim
I have to admit, you know, I did the fair bit of masturbating when I was a little younger. I used to call it stroking the salami, yeah, you know, pounding the old pud.
Movie:
American Pie
Actor:
Eugene Levy
Character:
Jim's Dad
You realize we’re all going to go to college as virgins. They probably have special dorms for people like us.
Movie:
American Pie
Actor:
Jason Biggs
Character:
Jim
What did you cocks do to him?
Movie:
American Pie
Actor:
Seann William Scott
Character:
Steve Stifler
I think you need your balls reattached!
Movie:
American Pie
Actor:
Seann William Scott
Character:
Steve Stifler
I want it to be the right time, the right place…
Movie:
American Pie
Actor:
Tara Reid
Character:
Victoria 'Vicky'
It’s not a space shuttle launch, it’s SEX.
Movie:
American Pie
Actor:
Natasha Lyonne
Character:
Jessica
Guys, uh, what exactly does third base feel like?
Movie:
American Pie
Actor:
Jason Biggs
Character:
Jim
I would like to make an announcement. There is a gorgeous woman masturbating on my bed.
Movie:
American Pie
Actor:
Jason Biggs
Character:
Jim
God bless the Internet.
Movie:
American Pie
Actor:
Eddie Kaye Thomas
Character:
Finch
I say, why don’t you guys locate your dicks, remove the shrink wrap, and fucking use them!
Movie:
American Pie
Actor:
Seann William Scott
Character:
Steve Stifler
Suck me beautiful.
Movie:
American Pie
Actor:
Chris Klein
Character:
Chris Oz" Ostreicher"
Friends call me Nova as in Casanova.
Movie:
American Pie
Actor:
Chris Klein
Character:
Chris Oz" Ostreicher"
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