Movie Quotes for American Pie

Choir chick! What the hell are you doing here?

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She’s a cartoon dude.

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Jeez you don’t have to laugh at me.

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Finch, get to the bathroom, now!

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Just focus on the music, think melody, let the music be my guide.

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All right, all right – I’m here for your dumb meeting.

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She called me and asked for my number.

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I don’t want any of you boys thinking, that you’re gonna score. You don’t score, until you score!

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You actually said that?

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She’s a hot cartoon.

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Well I’m very happy to entertain you Oz. So how you doing Kev, you okay?

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Yeah, you said it…Anyway, I was calling to see if I could get some advice – brother-to-brother. I mean, I think that tonight, Vicky’s…I mean, there’s a definite chance that…

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He’s desperate. Jim, just wait till she leaves.

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masturbating when I was a little younger. I used to call it stroking the salami, yeah, you know, pounding the old pud.

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Yeah man, I thought you sounded really good!

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Wait, ready for what?

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Go, trig boy! It’s your birthday!

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Well, uh, I was asking Chris to the prom. So do you wanna go?

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It’s not a game.

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Yeah, that’d be a start.

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I couldn’t have said it better myself

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Woah, you’re breaking up there. I gotta go, good luck at the party.

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Hey, I’m not making fun – I’m fucking impressed! I mean, Hi six inch or foot-long white or wheat? – that’s some serious shit to master!

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Don’t call me that any more. I’m a fraud.

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That’s charming.

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All right, all right – listen, have you ever heard of The Bible?

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Hey, don’t worry about it bro, I got the solution; It never happened. Forget about it. Don’t mention it again and just lay low and hopefully – hopefully – she won’t mention it again.

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Good, then you’re still safe.

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Behold Ultra Dog – No dog.

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Bullshit – from where?

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You came to see me in action?

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Why? What did you do to him?

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Myers…I mean, what’s the deal with you and Vicky anyways? I mean you guys have been going since homecoming for God’s sakes and all she’s do is blow you? Shit, I’d drop her like a steaming turd!

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What did you just say?

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You couldn’t have said it at all Jim…

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I have to admit, you know, I did the fair bit of

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Yeah right Oz, I bet it’s more like your dad works at her store.

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She’s a college chick.

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Yeah, that would be great.

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Really Stifler, he’s the manager.

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He’s pullin’ out the porn.

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Stifler, you’re such an asshole!

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What? Not THE Bible?

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What the fuck are you doing here?

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That’s not really its name but that’s what we call it.

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Tell me he did not just get out the chair.

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Maybe we’ll just have to call you two-ply.

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You did better than me Nova.

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Is that legal? Can you do that?

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Did not just take out that chair.

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And what did you say?

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I’ve never tried it.

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Nothing – I mean I hugged her back.

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Easy tiger, what’s in there?

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Listen, you’re going to shit your pants.

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Shit dude, the ‘L’ word?

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Yup, he took out the chair.

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That’s pathetic!

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Does it tell me how to…to get laid?

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We’ll just tell your mother that…we ate it all.

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You’ve never had an orgasm? Not even manually?

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You know what? Nevermind, you’re not ready.

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You think she was serious?

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God…let this be it.

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He got out the chair.

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She works part-time at my dad’s store.

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Vicky, Jessica, great to see you, glad you could make it! Ha ha, Bitches.

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Well, well, she could have meant like I love you Grandma or I Love you Cornell

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I did it. Don’t care.

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And why is this?

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Well, just don’t expect Oz to pay for the limo.

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What to hell is that?

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Dude, come on, he does not.

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Boys, boys, boys. I’m on the offensive, the Sherman tank is going back in, locked on target, flying in stealth mode under enemy sex radar, ready to make the payload – again.

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Awesome! That was better than Jurassic Park! Oh man…

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I personally enjoyed the double-bagging part myself.

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Okay, ‘unlisted age’ plus ‘youthful mind’ equals ‘Old’.

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No, no no no – ‘Charming’ is old; ‘Older’ is really old; ‘Youthful mind’ is dead.

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You’re still eating that damn imitation hot dog?

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It’s not an imitation. Removing the actual ‘dog’ from the Ultra Dog makes a better hot dog.

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Look, Stifler slipped some sort of laxative in your coffee and it’s fast acting – really fast.

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Listen, Kevin, you know first of all it’s mochachino…Oh…Oh!

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Fun Loving: Insane.

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I do when I’m throwing them at your mom, you damn freak!

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You called to ask me how to get laid?

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Well yeah you know, it’s not like I can really call dad. I don’t even have his number.

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It’s listed A-S-S-H-O-L-E.

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Guys guys guys – here’s an easy one, okay: Attractive single white female fun-loving youthful mind seeks outgoing companion”. Okay; Attractive: ugly.”

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She’s a mermaid dude.

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Yeah, but not when she’s on land, Oz.

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Hey, Stifler, how’s the Pale Ale”?”

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Dude, is ther anything you don’t jerk off to?

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Of course there is. C-Span.

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Do you commonly grasp warm pieces of stool?

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Me? Nothing. I’m the one who ass he kicked. But uh…I’ll tell you one thing…I don’t think he’s gonna have a problem shitting in school anymore. Slipped a little something into his Moccachino.

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If Sherman has sex before I do, I’m gonna be really pissed.

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Sherman? The Sherminator?

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So uh, shaved” is the expression?”

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I’m a sophisticated sex robot, sent back in time to change the future for one lucky lady.

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Did you see ‘The Little Mermaid’ on TV yesterday? Ariel, she’s so hot!

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No longer will our penises remain flaccid and unused! From now on, we fight for every man out there who isn’t getting laid when he should be! This is our day! This is our time! And, by God, we’re not gonna let history condemn us to celibacy! We will make a stand! We will succeed! We will get laid!

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Now, do you know what a clitoris is?

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This one time, at band camp, I stuck a flute in my pussy.

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You guys are pathetic. I’m gonna find myself a little hottie.

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Hey, Kev, seen shit break lately?

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He’s got a dick, he’s a guy.

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Dude that chick’s a MILF!

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M-I-L-F Mom I’d Like to Fuck!

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Well, they’re safer than a tube sock

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You’ve never double-clicked your mouse?

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Stifler, fuck! I mean, why do you gotta be so insensitive all the time?

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I’ll see you guys tonight, in the No Fucking Section” right?”

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It’s like banging a tennis ball against a brick wall, which can be fun. It can be fun, but it’s not a game.

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What you want is a partner to return the ball.

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Maybe the words aren’t that important. It’s like, I know he really cares about me, you know even if he can’t say if he does. And yeah, he always talks about sex, but that’s ok cause he’s a guy, right?

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Single malt?

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Aged eighteen years. The way I like it.

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What’s my name? Say my name, bitch!

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I dunno, man, that sounds like a lot of work.

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She’s gone! Oh my God, she used me. I was used. I was used! Cool!

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Separately we are flawed and vulnerable, but together we are the masters of our sexual destiny.

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Their tiger-style kung fu is strong, but our dragon-style kung fu will defeat it!

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The Shaolin masters of East and West must unite! Fight! And find out who is number one!

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I got some scotch.

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I never did it with baked goods, but you know your uncle Mort, he pets the one-eyed snake 5-6 times a day.

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You ask them questions, and listen to what they have to say and shit.

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You want to take this one?

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Like warm apple pie.

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McDonald’s or homemade?

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I have to admit, you know, I did the fair bit of masturbating when I was a little younger. I used to call it stroking the salami, yeah, you know, pounding the old pud.

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You realize we’re all going to go to college as virgins. They probably have special dorms for people like us.

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What did you cocks do to him?

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I think you need your balls reattached!

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I want it to be the right time, the right place…

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It’s not a space shuttle launch, it’s SEX.

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Guys, uh, what exactly does third base feel like?

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I would like to make an announcement. There is a gorgeous woman masturbating on my bed.

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God bless the Internet.

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I say, why don’t you guys locate your dicks, remove the shrink wrap, and fucking use them!

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Suck me beautiful.

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Friends call me Nova as in Casanova.

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