Movie Quotes for American Pie 2

Son, couldn’t you have left that disgusting thing at home?

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Like you have a chance!

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YOU were trying! Oh no I kissed Jim!

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Johnny West is missing.

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Was someone was lost looking for the lake.

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Hi, I’m Jim’s Dad. You must be the parents of this young lady. I didn’t get your daughter’s name, but hopefully my son did.

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Ah, yes. The one that got away.

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Wouldn’t you like to know.

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Where did you get this?

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This is good. This is good. Obviously.

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How many girls did you sleep with this year?

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Oh God, I kissed Jim.

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Who the hell was that?

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You touch me, I bite.

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Oz what should I do now?

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We never said that.

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DON’T YOU SAY ANYTHING.

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Brilliant. You found Lesbians.

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Go Fish

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Ha, ha! This summer’s turned out to be great!

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Cause he fuckin’ bit me!

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No fuckin’ way!

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This one time…um, here.

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Fuck yeah I would.

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That’s a lot of flutes.

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That’s the way to kiss your mother.

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Good luck trying to break through that force field.

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I can taste the bubbles.

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Yeah, you must know Michelle.

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Fuck no, this is just too good to miss!

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Oh, sorry. I just…ah…I could give you some pointers. If you want.

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OK sir, you’re just gonna have to wait here. All right?

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Keep it real homies.

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Oh. Gilligan’s Island, Mr. Howell.

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Ohh, well we’re sorry, but uh, but you see my son COULDN’T leave it at home because uhh, he’s having a bit of a MEDICAL EMERGENCY?

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STEVE. Those are my lesbians.

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How did you do that magic you did?

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Well, that kind of material is offensive to me.

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STIFLER’S MO-O-O – OM!

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Its just like this one time at band camp.

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Excuse me, sir, are you a family member?

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Come on honey, food’s ready.

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Who is it out there?

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What a dumbass, the lake’s right there.

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Which room, man? Which room?

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Hey, what the heck’s goin’ on over there?

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That was uh…that was…

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Uh, at the movies.

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Hey, Marco, could you get your balls off me?

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Oh, those are just my flat-mates.

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Ladies, I am down with the funky shit.

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You are so sweet. He is special.

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Do you know where I could find Michelle Flaherty?

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Its okay. Its okay. I know what I have to do.

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Wait a second…Who the fuck was in that car?

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That’s right. Thanks Dad.

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Where are the Fuckin’ females?

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Finch, we’re playing gin!

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Steve the copwatch thing is horse shit. Man this sucks.

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Ah, Michelle I’ve been to band camp, it’s not all what its cracked up to be.

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Dude, am I gonna have a hangover? Because, I want one.

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Guests bring food. Food attracts animals. This one time, a bear came. And then the bear had to be destroyed. Which means they shot it in the head with a rifle, and killed it, and it died.

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Squeeze his ass son, you’ll like it.

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Pussy man, I’m here for the pussy.

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Okay, guys, we went through this last summer, all right? Finch got a black eye and Stifler got six stitches

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Red leader, what’s your position?

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I’m touchin’ his ass, I’m touchin’ his ass, I’m touchin his ass, I’m touchin’ his ass…

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Dude, you’re a fuckin’ LOUSY kisser.

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What? That’s not fair! I wasn’t TRYING there.

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Wait a second, you were trying?

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It’s the Stifmeister baby.

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You stay the fuck away from that ficus. That is a jiz-free ficus.

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I am getting off listening to the two of you. Keep going.

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Good Jim. Ooh, you’re making me wet.

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Holy shit, really?

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No, I was just saying that so you could practice.

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You’ve gotta control yourself and think of something non-sexual. I haven’t even touched you yet and you’re turning into the Sears Tower.

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Oh Heather baby. Why don’t you tell me my dick is as big as Stifler’s.

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Stifler get off.

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I AM NOT TOUCHING THAT.

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PUT THAT THING AWAY STIFLER.

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What’s wrong with you guys? We almost had them. Why can’t you guys be team players, huh? I was the one doing all the sacrificing.

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Stiffler’s palace of love…STRAIGHT love.

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Jim, you’re the only guy I know who’s dick needs an instruction manual.

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I have to keep this party going. I’m taking one for the team.

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Oh, yeah! You heard me! I will kiss everybody here! Dudes, chicks, everybody! Because I am comfortable with my sexuality!

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Yeah. Well, evidently you two made quite the handsome couple on the Internet…Oh, I didn’t see it. It, uh, was brought up at a P.T.A. meeting.

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I got peed on!

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So, how are the twig and giggleberries this morning?

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Oh, very colorful, my dick looks like a paint by number.

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Fuck me, geek!

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Affirmative!

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Oh…Oh, man. I will do anything…ANYTHING to sleep with you, chicks, okay? I’ll grab every guy’s ass in this room. I’ll caress it even. I’ll even shave some ass if they need it!

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Nadia, you’ve been targeted for Shermination. Come with me if you want to live.

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I can’t remember shit, man, I was too excited! I’m in a lesbian stronghold.

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This is my first time, since my first time.

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I am the Sherminator, a sophisticated Sex Robot sent through time to change the future for one lucky lady.

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And I am lucky lady?

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I want to feel your boobs.

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No, you dingbat. You don’t just go groping away. You gotta pre-heat the oven before you stick in the turkey.

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Holy shit dude. I found a dildo. Dildo. Dildo. Dildo. Big blue rubber dicks for everyone. The people demand rubber dicks.

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What are you doing?

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Looking for more lesbian artifacts.

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Okay, pretend I’m a hot girl. Now what do you want to do?

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Here’s a new idea for you Stifler. You find a girl, you two become best friends and you don’t bother counting how many times you have sex with each other you just laugh at the people who do count.

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Here’s a new idea for you. I’ll get you a spoon so you can eat my ass.

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Oh, Jeanine, Jeanine!

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Call me Stifler’s Mom.

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There’s little hearts on her panties. There’s little hearts on her panties.

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When a girl tells you how many guys she’s slept with, multiply it by three and that’s the real number. Didn’t you fuckers learn anything in college?

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Now don’t freak out I’m gonna do something to push your threshold.

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Ow that’s cold. What is that?

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I just shoved a trumpet in your ass. Aren’t instruments fun?

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You’re a disgrace to men everywhere. I mean, look at the Stifmeister. I got laid 23 times this year, and I’m not counting the hummer I got in the library stacks, baby.

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The force is strong with that one.

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Jeez how could I forget? You sucked. You didn’t know what the hell you were doing. But wasn’t it fun even though you were so terrible?

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If a guy tells you how many girls he’s hooked up with, it’s not even close to that. You take that number and divide it by three, then you get the real total. OK, so if Kevin is saying it’s been three girls it’s more like one or none.

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The rule of three. It’s an exact science. Consistent as gravity.

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You…you want the band geek?

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Nadia, I AM a band geek. I just never joined the band.

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Nadia will be expecting filet mignon, okay, and all I’m going to be able to give her is rump roast.

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What are you so worried about? You’ve had experience since Nadia.

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Ah, yes. You would be referring to the flute fetish band geek, who made me her bitch, and ditched me after prom.

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Was I any good that night?

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Holy Potatoes.

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Nadia, please don’t take this the wrong way – You are everything I…used to want in a woman, and as much as I’m really…really going to regret this, I think I need to be with someone else.

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Musilage is dangerous territory, and uhh, I would think any adhesive product would have a warning right on the tube.

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I thought it was a, uhh, a lubricant. Ok, I was trying to use lubricant.

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Your opinion of his taste in video rentals is not a priority lady. Ok? It’s at the bottom of the totem pole. My son is sitting here right now with his hand glued to his penis, but that doesn’t mean anything to you does it? Because you dont have a penis. Or maybe you do?

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I’m not retarded, I’m a very special boy.

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Thanks, Dad.

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Don’t forget your penis cream.

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He’s my bitch.

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Oh, yeah. The Stifmeister’s coming back to Grand Harbor. Deck the halls. Bye-bye, Great Falls. Wipe my ass and lick my balls. It’s Stifler time, baby. Whoo-hoo-hoo. Whoo-hoo-hoo.

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I kind of super-glued myself to…uh…myself.

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You may be Jimbo, or Jumbo, or Jimbodini to those guys in there, but there are still two people who haven’t forgotten where James Emmanuel Levenstein came from. We’re awful proud of you son.

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My brother said by the end of the summer I’ll get the big picture. And I see it. No matter what, times change, things are different. But the problem is, I don’t want them to be.

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Jim. Can’t you keep your shirt on? You’re scaring the chicks away.

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