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No Lisa, I’m not going to take you back

No. I’m very much alive, my friend.

It’s like zee story of zee heeppo.

I’m not familiar with that story.

Well, big deal, Reuben, my dad had a whole second family!

My name is not Luban! It is Reuben!

He’s a sexy guy. He’s sexy. He’s sexually active in his community…

That’s right. I’m Sandy Lyle.

Judas, you betray me!

Zee heeppopotamoose, he is not born saying, Cool beans. I am a heeppo. No way Joesay. So he try to paint zee stripe on him to be like zee zebra but he fool no one. Then he try to put zee spot on zee skin to be like the leopard but everyboody know he is a heeppo. So at certain point he look himself in zee mirror and he just say Hey. I am a heeppopotamoose and zere is nothing I can do about it. As soon as he accepts zis he live life happy. Happy as a heeppo. You understand zis Luban?

Yeah, on Long Island. He had a wife, and kids, and a golden retriever!

Holy shit, Luban! This is not what it look like!

I know that I have a .013% chance of being hit by a car on my way home. Or a one in 46,000 chance of falling through a subway grate. So I try to manage that risk by avoiding danger and having a plan and knowing what my next move is. And I guess you don’t exactly live your life that way. Yeah…which is great, but I’m not gonna ever be a dirty dancer, and I don’t eat food with my hands, and I really like you, but I just don’t think this is gonna work out.

All right, we all need to look into our hearts and go, Do I think this dude is gonna die in a few years or not? Is old Leland here gonna fight off a man…who goes by the last name Reaper first name Grim? Or will this BASE-jumping crocodile-wrestling shark-diving volcano-luging bear-fighting snake-wrangling motocross-racing bastard die?

I, Reuben, take you, Lisa…I, Reuben, take YOU, Lisa, to be my lawfully wedded wife. I do. I do.

So whose party is this again?

Yeah, we had a good time on that picture. You want an autograph?

Judas is biting me!

Reuben, I’m in a situation here. We have to leave now.

I’m gonna kill you!

I did nothing, Luban.

Hey, aren’t you that kid from Crocodile Tears?

What did you do to her? Did you mess around with her oxygen tanks or something?

It’s not about what happened in the past, or what you think might happen in the future. It’s about the ride, for Christ’s sake. There is no point in going through all this crap, if your are not going to enjoy the ride. And you know what…when you least expect something great might come along. Something better then you even planned for.

No. Can we stay a couple more minutes?

  

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