Movie Quotes for Along Came Polly

My name is not Luban! It is Reuben!

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He’s a sexy guy. He’s sexy. He’s sexually active in his community…

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That’s right. I’m Sandy Lyle.

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Judas, you betray me!

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Zee heeppopotamoose, he is not born saying, Cool beans. I am a heeppo. No way Joesay. So he try to paint zee stripe on him to be like zee zebra but he fool no one. Then he try to put zee spot on zee skin to be like the leopard but everyboody know he is a heeppo. So at certain point he look himself in zee mirror and he just say Hey. I am a heeppopotamoose and zere is nothing I can do about it. As soon as he accepts zis he live life happy. Happy as a heeppo. You understand zis Luban?

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Yeah, on Long Island. He had a wife, and kids, and a golden retriever!

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Holy shit, Luban! This is not what it look like!

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I know that I have a .013% chance of being hit by a car on my way home. Or a one in 46,000 chance of falling through a subway grate. So I try to manage that risk by avoiding danger and having a plan and knowing what my next move is. And I guess you don’t exactly live your life that way. Yeah…which is great, but I’m not gonna ever be a dirty dancer, and I don’t eat food with my hands, and I really like you, but I just don’t think this is gonna work out.

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All right, we all need to look into our hearts and go, Do I think this dude is gonna die in a few years or not? Is old Leland here gonna fight off a man…who goes by the last name Reaper first name Grim? Or will this BASE-jumping crocodile-wrestling shark-diving volcano-luging bear-fighting snake-wrangling motocross-racing bastard die?

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I, Reuben, take you, Lisa…I, Reuben, take YOU, Lisa, to be my lawfully wedded wife. I do. I do.

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So whose party is this again?

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Yeah, we had a good time on that picture. You want an autograph?

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Judas is biting me!

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Reuben, I’m in a situation here. We have to leave now.

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I’m gonna kill you!

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I did nothing, Luban.

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Hey, aren’t you that kid from Crocodile Tears?

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What did you do to her? Did you mess around with her oxygen tanks or something?

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It’s not about what happened in the past, or what you think might happen in the future. It’s about the ride, for Christ’s sake. There is no point in going through all this crap, if your are not going to enjoy the ride. And you know what…when you least expect something great might come along. Something better then you even planned for.

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No. Can we stay a couple more minutes?

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No Lisa, I’m not going to take you back

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No. I’m very much alive, my friend.

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It’s like zee story of zee heeppo.

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I’m not familiar with that story.

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Well, big deal, Reuben, my dad had a whole second family!

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Well, you screwed a SCUBA instructor on our honeymoon. What kinda cold-hearted bitch will do that to someone they love. I have to be an idiot to take you back.

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You don’t know what it was like for me growing up. I had a mother who made me afraid of everything!

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White chocolate!

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Oh and by the way, I threw away all your little throw pillows. Yea. Cuz throw pillows suck. They serve no purpose. They’re purely decorative.

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Man I saw that movie in high school. That bagpipes scene, that was the funniest shit.

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No, thanks. It’s good to see you man. I thought you died like fifteen years ago.

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You know, they really should tell you if they’re gonna just let Komodo dragons run loose around the hotel.

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She make like the fire in my trouser.

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Ahh…rat in the house!

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That’s not a rat, that’s my ferret.

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I’m gonna vomit!

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Raindance!

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Since we have been together I have felt more uncomfortable, out of place, embarassed, and just physically sick then I have in my entire life.

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Luban! Look me in my eyeball. I treat her like my own flesh and blood.

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Let it rain!

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It’s an art opening for this Dutch guy, Jost. His art sucks, but he used to sell me really good pot.

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Oh, man, I’m so friggin’ horny.

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Raindrop!

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I’ve been living my life, okay? I’ve been in good relationships and I’ve been in shitty ones…and I’ve moved alot…and I’ve been happy, and I’ve been sad…and I’ve been lonely…and that is what I’ve been doing. Which is a lot more then I can say for some freak, who thinks he’s gonna get the Ebola virus from a bowl of mixed nuts.

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You’re the most disgusting person I’ve ever met in my life.

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You wanna come upstairs and have sex?

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I tried to fart and a little shit came out. I just sharted. Now let’s go.

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Dude, no. This is serious. I just sharted.

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I don’t know what that means.

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