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Movie Quotes for Ashton Kutcher
How hard can it be?
Movie:
What Happens in Vegas
Actor:
Ashton Kutcher
Character:
Jack Fuller
Did you even consider marrying me?
Movie:
Valentine's Day
Actor:
Ashton Kutcher
Character:
Reed Bennett
Oh, shit. I’m sorry.
Movie:
No Strings Attached
Actor:
Ashton Kutcher
Character:
Adam
What are you going to do?
Movie:
Open Season
Actor:
Ashton Kutcher
Character:
Elliot
Ok. I don’t know what to say. You’re calling me because you’re at your sister’s wedding and she looks happy and everyone is happy and you’re not
Movie:
No Strings Attached
Actor:
Ashton Kutcher
Character:
Adam
I can’t keep doing this. I’m not gonna see you again.
Movie:
No Strings Attached
Actor:
Ashton Kutcher
Character:
Adam
I’ll tell him you said that.
Movie:
No Strings Attached
Actor:
Ashton Kutcher
Character:
Adam
Ha ha! you’re funny. I was like, No way and then I was like Uh-huh! Ha ha ha ha!
Movie:
Open Season
Actor:
Ashton Kutcher
Character:
Elliot
That’s just it, she’s everything I’m not. You know, she’s my other half. Without her I’m not whole. You know the thing about meeting your other half is you’re walking around, you think you’re happy, you think you’re whole, then you realize you ain’t shit without her. Then you can’t go back to being just a half ’cause you know what it’s like to be whole.
Movie:
Guess Who
Actor:
Ashton Kutcher
Character:
Simon Green
Isn’t that against your Hypocratic Oath?
Movie:
No Strings Attached
Actor:
Ashton Kutcher
Character:
Adam
You too, Mr. Jones.
Movie:
Guess Who
Actor:
Ashton Kutcher
Character:
Simon Green
Did you look at it?
Movie:
No Strings Attached
Actor:
Ashton Kutcher
Character:
Adam
You know what? Just help me. These are really powerful painkillers. I can’t feel anything.
Movie:
No Strings Attached
Actor:
Ashton Kutcher
Character:
Adam
If she gets on the plane, she’s gonna find out the hard way that the guy that she thinks she’s in love with is a spineless lying creep!
Movie:
Valentine's Day
Actor:
Ashton Kutcher
Character:
Reed Bennett
Hey, I took you out of the garage. You should thank me.
Movie:
Open Season
Actor:
Ashton Kutcher
Character:
Elliot
Yeah. Fuck this.
Movie:
No Strings Attached
Actor:
Ashton Kutcher
Character:
Adam
Yes. What is it?
Movie:
No Strings Attached
Actor:
Ashton Kutcher
Character:
Adam
Twelve kids…that’s nuts.
Movie:
Cheaper by the Dozen
Actor:
Ashton Kutcher
Character:
Hank
You eat like a baby dinosaur; you don’t even chew.
Movie:
No Strings Attached
Actor:
Ashton Kutcher
Character:
Adam
What? No. I’m not going to hit you. I don’t want to hurt you.
Movie:
No Strings Attached
Actor:
Ashton Kutcher
Character:
Adam
Hey, Boog! Look, no hands! Though I think I’m getting a sunburn.
Movie:
Open Season
Actor:
Ashton Kutcher
Character:
Elliot
No, it is no good. And I can’t let that happen. Because this girl, she is great! She’s like…like sunshine. Everything is better when she’s there. I can’t stand the idea of some jerk hurting her, I just can’t. I can’t.
Movie:
Valentine's Day
Actor:
Ashton Kutcher
Character:
Reed Bennett
I’m just giving you what you want, baby.
Movie:
What Happens in Vegas
Actor:
Ashton Kutcher
Character:
Jack Fuller
Yeah, I could do that.
Movie:
No Strings Attached
Actor:
Ashton Kutcher
Character:
Adam
I may have. Because you’re women. And I think that’s a beautiful thing. Oh…
Movie:
No Strings Attached
Actor:
Ashton Kutcher
Character:
Adam
How did you and your wife get it so right?
Movie:
Valentine's Day
Actor:
Ashton Kutcher
Character:
Reed Bennett
And your acorns, too!
Movie:
Open Season
Actor:
Ashton Kutcher
Character:
Elliot
I’m assuming that’s a good thing.
Movie:
No Strings Attached
Actor:
Ashton Kutcher
Character:
Adam
And he’s a good dancer. We’re gonna be in a show.
Movie:
Open Season
Actor:
Ashton Kutcher
Character:
Elliot
I’m warning you, if you take one step closer, I’m never letting you go.
Movie:
No Strings Attached
Actor:
Ashton Kutcher
Character:
Adam
Okay, Forest 101: These tall stick things are called trees. The big rocks are called mountains and the little rocks are their babies.
Movie:
Open Season
Actor:
Ashton Kutcher
Character:
Elliot
Where’s the one place where you can step up and be a man?
Movie:
What Happens in Vegas
Actor:
Ashton Kutcher
Character:
Jack Fuller
What are three things a black guy can’t get? A black eye, a fat lip and a job.
Movie:
Guess Who
Actor:
Ashton Kutcher
Character:
Simon Green
All I’m saying is families are inevitable they’re like death or taxes.
Movie:
Cheaper by the Dozen
Actor:
Ashton Kutcher
Character:
Hank
Did you not hear me? I’m on TV!
Movie:
Cheaper by the Dozen
Actor:
Ashton Kutcher
Character:
Hank
Did I, by chance, leave my pants in your room?
Movie:
No Strings Attached
Actor:
Ashton Kutcher
Character:
Adam
You know, I don’t want to freak you out, but I’d love to hang out with you in the daytime sometime.
Movie:
No Strings Attached
Actor:
Ashton Kutcher
Character:
Adam
Wait, don’t tell me, I know this one…
Movie:
Open Season
Actor:
Ashton Kutcher
Character:
Elliot
I come in peace.
Movie:
Open Season
Actor:
Ashton Kutcher
Character:
Elliot
Yeah. I felt that.
Movie:
No Strings Attached
Actor:
Ashton Kutcher
Character:
Adam
I thought I was your best friend.
Movie:
Valentine's Day
Actor:
Ashton Kutcher
Character:
Reed Bennett
Thats nothing! Half doe, half buck! I’m a duck!
Movie:
Open Season
Actor:
Ashton Kutcher
Character:
Elliot
Once there was a magical elf who lived in a rainbow tree/ He lived downstairs from a flatulent dwarf who constantly had to pee/ One day the elf could take no more/ so he went to bang on the rude dwarf’s door/ and what do you know they suddenly both were marrrrried.
Movie:
Open Season
Actor:
Ashton Kutcher
Character:
Elliot
I understand what’s going on. You’re all on the same cycle. This is very exciting. Your uterine walls will be shedding for the next three to five days.
Movie:
No Strings Attached
Actor:
Ashton Kutcher
Character:
Adam
Because every time they say hoe-down they think their sister got shot!
Movie:
Guess Who
Actor:
Ashton Kutcher
Character:
Simon Green
You knew you were gonna kick me out a week ago?
Movie:
Guess Who
Actor:
Ashton Kutcher
Character:
Simon Green
Oh, I was just going to say that.
Movie:
Open Season
Actor:
Ashton Kutcher
Character:
Elliot
Every once in a while, I carve a pumpkin with a knife made of lollipop sticks…
Movie:
Cheaper by the Dozen
Actor:
Ashton Kutcher
Character:
Hank
So, did I just pass out on your couch?
Movie:
No Strings Attached
Actor:
Ashton Kutcher
Character:
Adam
Go on a date with me.
Movie:
No Strings Attached
Actor:
Ashton Kutcher
Character:
Adam
You have a very nice house, Mrs. Jones.
Movie:
Guess Who
Actor:
Ashton Kutcher
Character:
Simon Green
Normally I would remember the name of someone that I’ve
Movie:
No Strings Attached
Actor:
Ashton Kutcher
Character:
Adam
Fuck you!
Movie:
No Strings Attached
Actor:
Ashton Kutcher
Character:
Adam
Love is the only shocking act left on the planet.
Movie:
Valentine's Day
Actor:
Ashton Kutcher
Character:
Reed Bennett
You can’t just suddenly call me and say you miss me!
Movie:
No Strings Attached
Actor:
Ashton Kutcher
Character:
Adam
Babe, you’re acting like I have cheated on you, and I have never cheated on you. Except for that one time, with myself, and you caught me.
Movie:
Guess Who
Actor:
Ashton Kutcher
Character:
Simon Green
You’re crazy. I felt like Flava-Flav.
Movie:
No Strings Attached
Actor:
Ashton Kutcher
Character:
Adam
Jack off!, I actually like that
Movie:
What Happens in Vegas
Actor:
Ashton Kutcher
Character:
Jack Fuller
Or maybe it’s a moonburn. Check it out.
Movie:
Open Season
Actor:
Ashton Kutcher
Character:
Elliot
Well, I can’t date you either. You’re not my dad’s type.
Movie:
No Strings Attached
Actor:
Ashton Kutcher
Character:
Adam
I know how hot she is.
Movie:
No Strings Attached
Actor:
Ashton Kutcher
Character:
Adam
You did a good job, so…I thought you deserved a balloon.
Movie:
No Strings Attached
Actor:
Ashton Kutcher
Character:
Adam
You ready for this?
Movie:
What Happens in Vegas
Actor:
Ashton Kutcher
Character:
Jack Fuller
Hey, don’t get hit by a bus
Movie:
What Happens in Vegas
Actor:
Ashton Kutcher
Character:
Jack Fuller
You know the ones that nobody wants?
Movie:
Valentine's Day
Actor:
Ashton Kutcher
Character:
Reed Bennett
Show us your GRRR face, nature boy!
Movie:
Open Season
Actor:
Ashton Kutcher
Character:
Elliot
And the old man is quick enough to think of a comeback
Movie:
What Happens in Vegas
Actor:
Ashton Kutcher
Character:
Jack Fuller
This is the moneymaker! I’m not that good of an actor! This is how I get the jobs, I know that.
Movie:
Cheaper by the Dozen
Actor:
Ashton Kutcher
Character:
Hank
You’re an asshole.
Movie:
No Strings Attached
Actor:
Ashton Kutcher
Character:
Adam
I shook my dick at you?
Movie:
No Strings Attached
Actor:
Ashton Kutcher
Character:
Adam
I have to thank my wife Joy. She probably never told you all the story about how we met. It might come as a surprise to many of you that we didn’t know each other for very long before we got hitched. What can I say – when you know, you know.
Movie:
What Happens in Vegas
Actor:
Ashton Kutcher
Character:
Jack Fuller
They set me on fire.
Movie:
Cheaper by the Dozen
Actor:
Ashton Kutcher
Character:
Hank
Yeah, most chaps throw them away. I like the idea that tomorrow somebody’s going to see them floating by, wonder where they come from, behind the mystery of it all. I used to, actually, put them together and practice new designs with them and drop them off at a random doorstep with notes in it: Somebody out there loves you. And they get to thinking What if they found out that somebody me? Would they want me to be the one that loves them?
Movie:
Valentine's Day
Actor:
Ashton Kutcher
Character:
Reed Bennett
Go on. Its just like riding a bicycle, only…you’re crapping on it.
Movie:
Open Season
Actor:
Ashton Kutcher
Character:
Elliot
I don’t know yet
Movie:
What Happens in Vegas
Actor:
Ashton Kutcher
Character:
Jack Fuller
Can you hurry up?
Movie:
What Happens in Vegas
Actor:
Ashton Kutcher
Character:
Jack Fuller
You don’t keep inklings to yourself! You share them! You’re like hey guy, I got an inkling you’re headed for a fall here! That’s what friends do, that’s common knowledge, it’s in the damn handbook!
Movie:
Valentine's Day
Actor:
Ashton Kutcher
Character:
Reed Bennett
Trust me, you know the day I met you Ian kicked me out of the herd, I lost my antler, I got run over, and tied to the hood of a truck. What do you call that?
Movie:
Open Season
Actor:
Ashton Kutcher
Character:
Elliot
Look at me! I’m a doe and I’m a buck. I’m a DUCK!
Movie:
Open Season
Actor:
Ashton Kutcher
Character:
Elliot
Dad, I am your son.
Movie:
What Happens in Vegas
Actor:
Ashton Kutcher
Character:
Jack Fuller
My dad invited me to dinner and he’s bringing Vanessa. You have to come with me.
Movie:
No Strings Attached
Actor:
Ashton Kutcher
Character:
Adam
That’s a stripper song.
Movie:
Valentine's Day
Actor:
Ashton Kutcher
Character:
Reed Bennett
Good thing we have a ton of money!
Movie:
What Happens in Vegas
Actor:
Ashton Kutcher
Character:
Jack Fuller
. Or do, whatever.
Movie:
What Happens in Vegas
Actor:
Ashton Kutcher
Character:
Jack Fuller
No, do not call me to say you miss me. Do not text me, do not e-mail me…do not write it on my wall! If you really miss me, come here and tell me that!
Movie:
No Strings Attached
Actor:
Ashton Kutcher
Character:
Adam
I did take myself out of the game. If you stop betting, you never have to lose.
Movie:
What Happens in Vegas
Actor:
Ashton Kutcher
Character:
Jack Fuller
To help soothe your womb.
Movie:
No Strings Attached
Actor:
Ashton Kutcher
Character:
Adam
That’s what I’m doing here. Because apparently everyone and their mother felt that way but nobody had the guts to tell me. And now, I’m left with some stupid ring and an empty closet and an ache in my gut the size of Texas because nobody told me.
Movie:
Valentine's Day
Actor:
Ashton Kutcher
Character:
Reed Bennett
I killed a man!
Movie:
Open Season
Actor:
Ashton Kutcher
Character:
Elliot
Your parents, wait, hold on, wait a second, just because your parents had a bad divorce doesn’t mean that you’re going to have a bad divorce. They’re not hereditary, it’s not like it’s contagious.
Movie:
Valentine's Day
Actor:
Ashton Kutcher
Character:
Reed Bennett
When I was a kid, most of the advice that my dad gave me was crap. But there’s one thing that he said that was pure genius…he said, if you’re ever with a girl that’s too good for you, marry her.
Movie:
Valentine's Day
Actor:
Ashton Kutcher
Character:
Reed Bennett
We’re sex friends.
Movie:
No Strings Attached
Actor:
Ashton Kutcher
Character:
Adam
Come on, it’s one date. Just do it.
Movie:
No Strings Attached
Actor:
Ashton Kutcher
Character:
Adam
Don’t call my penis cute. Even if it’s dressed up as a Care Bear and it’s giving you a care stare.
Movie:
No Strings Attached
Actor:
Ashton Kutcher
Character:
Adam
Cir-cle. One time around.
Movie:
Open Season
Actor:
Ashton Kutcher
Character:
Elliot
I wanna see your sexy body go BUMP, BUMP, BUMP!
Movie:
Guess Who
Actor:
Ashton Kutcher
Character:
Simon Green
…We got robbed. All they took was the door.
Movie:
What Happens in Vegas
Actor:
Ashton Kutcher
Character:
Jack Fuller
You told me to.
Movie:
No Strings Attached
Actor:
Ashton Kutcher
Character:
Adam
Friends with benefits. Fuck buddies.
Movie:
No Strings Attached
Actor:
Ashton Kutcher
Character:
Adam
You know, I’ve been thinking, we should have a secret handshake, and like nicknames and stuff. Like, I can call you Boogster, and you can call me the Incredible Mr. E. You like that? I just made it up.
Movie:
Open Season
Actor:
Ashton Kutcher
Character:
Elliot
I have a glass eye.
Movie:
Open Season
Actor:
Ashton Kutcher
Character:
Elliot
She is not my girlfriend.
Movie:
No Strings Attached
Actor:
Ashton Kutcher
Character:
Adam
Emma. We didn’t break up. We never started. Look, I gotta go. I’m still at work. Have fun at the wedding and tell your sister congratulations for me. Bye.
Movie:
No Strings Attached
Actor:
Ashton Kutcher
Character:
Adam
So, what’s up with not calling me back?
Movie:
No Strings Attached
Actor:
Ashton Kutcher
Character:
Adam
I also made you this.
Movie:
No Strings Attached
Actor:
Ashton Kutcher
Character:
Adam
So your name is Dick Banger! Dick Banger! Dick Banger!, you my friend have supplied us with jokes for the whole weekend.
Movie:
What Happens in Vegas
Actor:
Ashton Kutcher
Character:
Jack Fuller
If you stop betting, you never have to lose.
Movie:
What Happens in Vegas
Actor:
Ashton Kutcher
Character:
Jack Fuller
What am I going to do about money?
Movie:
What Happens in Vegas
Actor:
Ashton Kutcher
Character:
Jack Fuller
Yuck. Yuck. Yuck! It’s terrible and wonderful at the same time! It’s like freedom in a cup!
Movie:
Open Season
Actor:
Ashton Kutcher
Character:
Elliot
I call them Woo-hoos. Like in…WOO-HOO!
Movie:
Open Season
Actor:
Ashton Kutcher
Character:
Elliot
Do what?
Movie:
No Strings Attached
Actor:
Ashton Kutcher
Character:
Adam
Don’t look now, but I see a little bush with your name written all over it.
Movie:
Open Season
Actor:
Ashton Kutcher
Character:
Elliot
Yeah. I’ve never actually seen them, but, you know, they hide in the bush and…they get their shot.
Movie:
Cheaper by the Dozen
Actor:
Ashton Kutcher
Character:
Hank
I get it. You’re like a pet.
Movie:
Open Season
Actor:
Ashton Kutcher
Character:
Elliot
I’d rather do nothing and be happy than do something I know I don’t love.
Movie:
What Happens in Vegas
Actor:
Ashton Kutcher
Character:
Jack Fuller
Why can’t black people listen to country music?
Movie:
Guess Who
Actor:
Ashton Kutcher
Character:
Simon Green
Listen, I want you to know that I respect you.
Movie:
No Strings Attached
Actor:
Ashton Kutcher
Character:
Adam
You know, if Theresa had told me you guys were black it really could have saved us an awkward situation.
Movie:
Guess Who
Actor:
Ashton Kutcher
Character:
Simon Green
I thought log was a colour.
Movie:
Open Season
Actor:
Ashton Kutcher
Character:
Elliot
Will to be married to me…again?
Movie:
What Happens in Vegas
Actor:
Ashton Kutcher
Character:
Jack Fuller
All right okay, what about all that talk about my dignity?
Movie:
Guess Who
Actor:
Ashton Kutcher
Character:
Simon Green
What’s the greatest love song of all time?
Movie:
Valentine's Day
Actor:
Ashton Kutcher
Character:
Reed Bennett
Oh yeah, this is really happening. Oh, and it’s your day for dishes.
Movie:
What Happens in Vegas
Actor:
Ashton Kutcher
Character:
Jack Fuller
Hey, you can’t call me and tell me that you miss me. I don’t want to have that conversation on the phone. So you can’t text me and you can’t e-mail me and you can’t write on my wall. Like, if you really miss me, you need to grow up and get in your car and come and see me.
Movie:
No Strings Attached
Actor:
Ashton Kutcher
Character:
Adam
I feel a little light-headed.
Movie:
Open Season
Actor:
Ashton Kutcher
Character:
Elliot
Ian’s right, I’m a loser
Movie:
Open Season
Actor:
Ashton Kutcher
Character:
Elliot
It’s perfect. Will you read it for me?
Movie:
No Strings Attached
Actor:
Ashton Kutcher
Character:
Adam
So, you guys popping another one anytime soon?
Movie:
Cheaper by the Dozen
Actor:
Ashton Kutcher
Character:
Hank
It’s gettin’ so as I can hardly go out in public any more. I mean, really, between the autograph hounds and the paparazzi…
Movie:
Cheaper by the Dozen
Actor:
Ashton Kutcher
Character:
Hank
It’s like you’re trying to come in first, but it’s someone else’s race.
Movie:
What Happens in Vegas
Actor:
Ashton Kutcher
Character:
Jack Fuller
Hold on a second, your name is Richard Banger?
Movie:
What Happens in Vegas
Actor:
Ashton Kutcher
Character:
Jack Fuller
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