Movie Quotes for Albert Brooks

Where? I don’t see it.

Movie:

Actor:

Character:

Don’t you lay a fin on that boat! Don’t you dare touch that boat! Don’t you…

Movie:

Actor:

Character:

Each one will cause untold misery and…

Movie:

Actor:

Character:

Wait! What does that mean?

Movie:

Actor:

Character:

Answer the stripe question.

Movie:

Actor:

Character:

There’s a couple of things they don’t teach you in Harvard Business School, one is how to cope with defeat, the other is how to handle a shotgun, I’m going to do both right now.

Movie:

Actor:

Character:

What did it say? What did the mask say?

Movie:

Actor:

Character:

No, no, no! Bad trench, bad trench! Come on, we’re swimming over this thing.

Movie:

Actor:

Character:

You already said 3.

Movie:

Actor:

Character:

Oh yeah? Name one

Movie:

Actor:

Character:

If this is some kind of practical joke, it’s not funny, and I know funny. I’m a clownfish.

Movie:

Actor:

Character:

He’s my son, he was taken by these divers…

Movie:

Actor:

Character:

Who do you want to ask, the speck? There’s no one here!

Movie:

Actor:

Character:

Nemo! You’re gonna get stuck out there and I’ll have to go get you before another fish does. Get back here! Get back here now! Stop! You make one more move, mister…

Movie:

Actor:

Character:

As you wish, sir.

Movie:

Actor:

Character:

Are you even looking at this thing? It’s got death written all over it!

Movie:

Actor:

Character:

The pollution in Springfield has reached crisis levels.

Movie:

Actor:

Character:

You wanna name all of ‘em, right now? All right.

Movie:

Actor:

Character:

Look! Already it’s half-empty.

Movie:

Actor:

Character:

Of course I have. You ever tried going mad without power? It’s boring. No one listens to you!

Movie:

Actor:

Character:

Eating here tonight!

Movie:

Actor:

Character:

The water’s going down. It’s-it’s-it’s going down!

Movie:

Actor:

Character:

No, rats can’t be trapped this easily, you’re trapped like…carrots.

Movie:

Actor:

Character:

I’m gonna be your best friend…

Movie:

Actor:

Character:

My name is Russ Cargill, head of the EPA.

Movie:

Actor:

Character:

Meanwhile, my son is missing.

Movie:

Actor:

Character:

Sea turtles? I don’t know.

Movie:

Actor:

Character:

Anyone can pick something when they know what it is; It takes real leadership to pick something you’re clueless about.

Movie:

Actor:

Character:

There are a lot of choices here, just pick one! Pick one so we can start! Please! All of us got nothing to do! Hit a choice, will ya?

Movie:

Actor:

Character:

Now, what’s the one thing we have to remember about the ocean?

Movie:

Actor:

Character:

We’re gonna race. First one out of the jellyfish wins.

Movie:

Actor:

Character:

Don’t tell me to be calm, pony boy.

Movie:

Actor:

Character:

THAAAANKKK YOUUUUU SIRRRRRRR.

Movie:

Actor:

Character:

President Schawarzenegger.

Movie:

Actor:

Character:

What are you doing? Are you sure you speak whale?

Movie:

Actor:

Character:

No, don’t try humpback.

Movie:

Actor:

Character:

All right. I just hope you’re a better doctor than you are a singer.

Movie:

Actor:

Character:

I have one…two…three? That’s all I have?

Movie:

Actor:

Character:

Now I’m stuck with that song…Now it’s in my head.

Movie:

Actor:

Character:

I have to get out of here! I have to find my son! I have to tell him how old sea turtles are!

Movie:

Actor:

Character:

What if they don’t like me?

Movie:

Actor:

Character:

Oh, my stomach. Ohh.

Movie:

Actor:

Character:

What are you talking about?

Movie:

Actor:

Character:

Yeah, I see it too.

Movie:

Actor:

Character:

So, Coral, when you said you wanted an ocean view, you didn’t think you were going to get the whole ocean, did you? Huh?

Movie:

Actor:

Character:

It’s not up to you.

Movie:

Actor:

Character:

We’ll name this half Marlin Jr.,

Movie:

Actor:

Character:

It doesn’t sound orca. It sounds like nothing I’ve ever heard!

Movie:

Actor:

Character:

How many stripes do I have?

Movie:

Actor:

Character:

You know what? I was right. We’ll start school in a year or two.

Movie:

Actor:

Character:

This is bad, Dory. Very bad.

Movie:

Actor:

Character:

Mr. President, you chose me, Russ Cargill, most successful man in America, to head the EPA, the least successful government agency. Why did I take the job? Because I’m just a rich guy who wants to kick some ass for good old Mother Earth. I want to give something back. Not the money, but something. That’s why I’ve narrowed your choices down to five unthinkable options.

Movie:

Actor:

Character:

Okay, you’ve got a lot of choices here. You can watch just the movie without the commentary…

Movie:

Actor:

Character:

And I’m really, really done talking about this. Over we go.

Movie:

Actor:

Character:

Really? You don’t want to read them first?

Movie:

Actor:

Character:

Where is it? Where is it?

Movie:

Actor:

Character:

‘Cause you’re about to eat my bubbles!

Movie:

Actor:

Character:

Okay, now you really do sound sick.

Movie:

Actor:

Character:

Dory, listen to me. We’re going to play a game.

Movie:

Actor:

Character:

Your government has realized that sealing you under this dome was a terrible mistake. Therefore, we are commencing with Operation Soaring Eagle

Movie:

Actor:

Character:

They’ve just got to grow up som – THE DROP OFF? THEY’RE GOING TO THE DROP OFF? WHAT ARE YOU, INSANE? WHY DON’T WE FRY THEM UP NOW AND SERVE THEM WITH CHIPS?

Movie:

Actor:

Character:

There was this mollusk, and he walks up to this sea cucumber. Normally, they don’t talk, sea cucumbers, but in a joke everyone talks. So the sea mollusk says to the cucumber…

Movie:

Actor:

Character:

I’m gonna swim with you…

Movie:

Actor:

Character:

How do I taste, Moby, huh? DO I TASTE GOOD?

Movie:

Actor:

Character:

Hey, that snail was about to charge.

Movie:

Actor:

Character:

Crush, really? OK, Crush. I need to get to the East Australian Current. EAC?

Movie:

Actor:

Character:

Me? I don’t…I don’t have a problem.

Movie:

Actor:

Character:

Dory! Heaven knows what you’re saying! See, he’s swimming away.

Movie:

Actor:

Character:

…Hey, get out of there! You’re in my landing space!

Movie:

Actor:

Character:

The Environmental Protection Agency.

Movie:

Actor:

Character:

Clearly, you’re not ready, and you’re not coming back until you are. You think you can do these things, but you just can’t, Nemo!

Movie:

Actor:

Character:

Would somebody please just give me directions?

Movie:

Actor:

Character:

We did it, we did it oh, yeah, yeah, yeah! No eating here tonight, Woo!

Movie:

Actor:

Character:

Hey, come back. Come on back here. I’m gonna get you.

Movie:

Actor:

Character:

I can’t read human.

Movie:

Actor:

Character:

You like jokes, huh? Well, stop me if you’ve heard this one.

Movie:

Actor:

Character:

Dory, don’t bounce on the tops! They will…not sting you. The tops don’t sting you! That’s it!

Movie:

Actor:

Character:

Me, and the next one – just a guess – me.

Movie:

Actor:

Character:

Where’s my son? Where’s Nemo?

Movie:

Actor:

Character:

The question is Dory, are you hungry?

Movie:

Actor:

Character:

You got a lot of choices here. Or you don’t even have to watch this movie. Take the disc out, and I’ll stop talking.

Movie:

Actor:

Character:

Good. Well this is Finding Nemo.

Movie:

Actor:

Character:

And it wasn’t so easy.

Movie:

Actor:

Character:

Well, if I ever meet a sea turtle I’ll ask him, right after I’m done talking to the shark.

Movie:

Actor:

Character:

I promised I’d never let anything happen to him.

Movie:

Actor:

Character:

You were in a film. THIS one. Finding Nemo!

Movie:

Actor:

Character:

Dory, no singing.

Movie:

Actor:

Character:

Now it’s my turn. I’m thinking of something dark and mysterious. It’s a fish we don’t know. If we ask it directions, it could ingest us and spit out our bones.

Movie:

Actor:

Character:

No, you can’t! You think you can do these things, but you can’t, Nemo!

Movie:

Actor:

Character:

Oh, I’m really sorry. Are you okay?

Movie:

Actor:

Character:

What’s a dentist? What is that?

Movie:

Actor:

Character:

Okay, that’s all that matters.

Movie:

Actor:

Character:

I’m feeling…happy, and that’s a big deal…for me.

Movie:

Actor:

Character:

So, we’re cheating death now, that’s what we’re doing, and we’re having fun at the same time, I can do this, just be careful…

Movie:

Actor:

Character:

Well, you can’t hold on to them forever, can you?

Movie:

Actor:

Character:

No, and I don’t plan to.

Movie:

Actor:

Character:

What? You said you saw a boat.

Movie:

Actor:

Character:

Look, something shiny!

Movie:

Actor:

Character:

We’re watching that one! This is Finding Nemo!

Movie:

Actor:

Character:

There is no 6.

Movie:

Actor:

Character:

Of course he wants us to move over there. That’s EATING US.

Movie:

Actor:

Character:

I was tricked by an idiot!

Movie:

Actor:

Character:

That’s not a duck, it’s a…PELICAN.

Movie:

Actor:

Character:

What’s wrong? While they’re busy doing their little impressions, I’m miles from home with a fish who can’t even remember her name.

Movie:

Actor:

Character:

Oh, it just swam over the trench! Come on, we’ll follow it. Let’s go.

Movie:

Actor:

Character:

Oh yes you can!

Movie:

Actor:

Character:

…which involves killing you all.

Movie:

Actor:

Character:

Look, I’m an important man with a big TV. Just listen to me.

Movie:

Actor:

Character:

No, it’s not something about them, it’s all about them.

Movie:

Actor:

Character:

Stop that! It’s half-empty!

Movie:

Actor:

Character:

I don’t want to play the gender card right now. You want to play a card, let’s play the let’s not die card.

Movie:

Actor:

Character:

No, of course I like you. It’s because I like you I don’t want to be with you. It’s a complicated emotion.

Movie:

Actor:

Character:

Hold my fin, hold my fin!

Movie:

Actor:

Character:

Dory, help me find a way out!

Movie:

Actor:

Character:

The water is half empty!

Movie:

Actor:

Character:

Nothing, we’re not doing anything, we’re not even out.

Movie:

Actor:

Character:

You think you can do these things, but you just can’t, Nemo.

Movie:

Actor:

Character:

I want one thousand tough guys, and I want one thousand soft guys to make the tough guys look tougher.

Movie:

Actor:

Character:

How do you know if they’re ready?

Movie:

Actor:

Character:

The dropoff? They’re going to the dropoff? What – what are you insane? Why not just fry them up now and serve them with chips?

Movie:

Actor:

Character:

That’s just me. I’m sorry.

Movie:

Actor:

Character:

Wait a minute, you already told me which way the boat went.

Movie:

Actor:

Character:

Who’s that? Who else would it be? It’s me!

Movie:

Actor:

Character:

You did?

Movie:

Actor:

Character:

Parties are fun, and it’s tempting, but we really have to…

Movie:

Actor:

Character:

…Good feeling’s gone.

Movie:

Actor:

Character:

How do you know that nothing bad won’t happen?

Movie:

Actor:

Character:

…the most polluted city in the history of the planet.

Movie:

Actor:

Character:

It’s just as well. He might be hungry.

Movie:

Actor:

Character:

Well, always leave them laughing. Goodbye, sir.

Movie:

Actor:

Character:

There are no wrong choices. The only wrong choice is to sit there like you’re doing.

Movie:

Actor:

Character:

I can’t make out these markings.

Movie:

Actor:

Character:

I just might hang myself by my underpants! I can get underpants! Well, not really.

Movie:

Actor:

Character:

Dory! This is not whale. You’re speaking like, upset stomach.

Movie:

Actor:

Character:

Crush, wait. How old are you?

Movie:

Actor:

Character:

I can’t afford any more delays and you’re one of those fish that causes delays. Sometimes it’s a good thing. There’s a whole group of fish . They’re delay fish.

Movie:

Actor:

Character:

Oh I don’t think so!

Movie:

Actor:

Character:

Trust you?

Movie:

Actor:

Character:

It’s like he’s trying to speak to me, I know it.

Movie:

Actor:

Character:

Nemo? Well, we’ll name one Nemo, but I’d like most of them to be Marlin Jr.

Movie:

Actor:

Character:

…And now, on the day I end it all, I’d like to leave Margaret the bearded lady my rhinestone collar and my wet-dry shaver. I’d like to leave Jack the midget nothing. It’s too late for you, Jack. You’re a short…

Movie:

Actor:

Character:

Hop in your mouth, huh? And how does that make me live?

Movie:

Actor:

Character:

…and the sea cucumber turns to the mollusk and says, With fronds like these who needs anemones?

Movie:

Actor:

Character:

It’s a swordfish!

Movie:

Actor:

Character:

I’m sorry, Dory. But I…do.

Movie:

Actor:

Character:

Good-bye, cruel world. Oh no, I just remembered. I wanted to leave the whip to the baboon. One of the few animals which enjoy that kind of thing.

Movie:

Actor:

Character:

Four generations of inbreeding?

Movie:

Actor:

Character:

He’s not coming back. You offended him.

Movie:

Actor:

Character:

And then this half Coral Jr. Okay, we’re done.

Movie:

Actor:

Character:

Oh, yeah. A fish can breathe out here. Did your man deliver, or did he deliver?

Movie:

Actor:

Character:

I’m dead. I’m dead, I’m dead, I’m dead, I’m dead, I died, I’m dead.

Movie:

Actor:

Character:

I highly doubt it.

Movie:

Actor:

Character:

But it doesn’t matter, because no one in this entire ocean is going to help me.

Movie:

Actor:

Character:

Wait a minute! You can read?

Movie:

Actor:

Character:

…Wait a minute. The dog gets to ride up front?

Movie:

Actor:

Character:

Rules, rules! You can’t touch the tentacles, only the tops…

Movie:

Actor:

Character:

Dory? I’m a little fella. I don’t think that’s a little fella.

Movie:

Actor:

Character:

Sandy Plankton? You think I would travel the whole ocean and not know as much as Sandy Plankton? He was a hundred and fifty, not a hundred.

Movie:

Actor:

Character:

That’s it. I’m jumping.

Movie:

Actor:

Character:

No I don’t wanna know.

Movie:

Actor:

Character:

Sea turtles? I met one, and he was a hundred and fifty years old.

Movie:

Actor:

Character:

No, no more whale! You can’t speak whale!

Movie:

Actor:

Character:

I didn’t come this far to be breakfast.

Movie:

Actor:

Character:

You mean the swirling vortex of terror?

Movie:

Actor:

Character:

Look, you’re really cute, but I can’t understand what you’re saying. Say the first thing again.

Movie:

Actor:

Character:

Yes, I’m your conscience. We haven’t spoken for a while. How are you?

Movie:

Actor:

Character: